Four Keys to Manage You Moods
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| Mood Manager App due to be released soon! |
“He’s in a mood today”. ?That’s what Sarah said to me when we met to talk about an event she was planning. ?I was going to be meeting her manager for the first time, and Sarah wanted to warn me that Tom was in ‘a mood’, before he entered the room. ?I wondered how Tom might feel if he had known that Sarah – and likely everyone else that worked with him – felt they needed to alter their behavior based on their manager’s mood. ?In fact, it seemed clear to me, that Sarah’s mood was directly impacted by Tom’s.
Tom might argue that his moods are no one’s business; he gets the job done and that is what he is being paid to do. ?But is he really getting the job done, if he is negatively impacting the people around him?
I believe that most of us would rather be in a ‘good’ (positive) mood (Tom too!), and we’d rather be working with people who are in a good mood too. ?Stress, overwhelming workloads, and the constant connection to technology seemingly required to function these days can cause the most calm of us to feel tense and anxious in short order. ?And that is costing us – big time. ?
Arianna Huffington, in her article “Burnout: The Disease of our Civilization” shares some interesting statistics on the real costs of burnout, including how “not only is there no trade-off between high performance and living a full life, the former is not possible in a sustainable way without the latter. And this applies to both companies and individuals.”
She goes on to say “There is no company whose bottom line will not be enhanced by healthier, happier, less-stressed, well-slept, centered employees. ?
One of the primary things keeping many businesses from adopting more sane and sustainable metrics of success is the stubborn — and dangerously wrongheaded — myth that prioritizing health and well being is incompatible with a healthy bottom line — and that there is a trade-off between high performance and taking care of ourselves. As countless studies show,?this couldn’t be less true.”
While exercise programs, meditation rooms, and sponsored yoga classes are all great for creating a healthier (happier and more productive) organization, mood management is just as important. Moods are like viruses…they spread…within you and outside of you to others. In the end, mood management can be a matter of life and death.
I had the honor of delivering a TEDxManitoba talk, titled ‘Choose Life’ that goes directly to the heart of this matter. ?Take a few mintues (14:39 to be exact) to watch, and let me know what you think.
In the video, I describe one strategy for mood management – be curious, caring and connected. When you start noticing even the slightest change in your mood (the way you feel), remember to PACE yourself:
Pause: Take a moment to stop and reflect.
Ask yourself (be curious): ‘What am I seeing, hearing, feeling right now?’ ?’What’s my story?’
Care: Express self-compassion. ?Rather than judging yourself for the way you are feeling, or for the thoughts you might be having, simply say to yourself ‘This is a challenging time right now.’
Engage: Connect with others. ?Speak with a trusted friend or co-worker to talk through a complicated situation. ?(Connecting with others is REALLY important! ?Check out this post about the dangers of social isolation.)
Tom could benefit from a little mood management – and he will likely be pleasantly surprised at the difference it makes to him…and to the people with whom he works. ?Sarah too. ?How about you? Need a little mood management in your life?
Deri Latimer is an expert in positive possibilities for people! She is one of fewer than 10% of speakers globally who hold the designation of CSP (Certified Speaking Professional), the international measure of excellence for professional competence, proven experience, and optimal client satisfaction. Deri combines a business degree in human resources management with 20 years of experience engaging audiences across every business sector. Deri provides inspiration and information to create psychologically healthy organizations for increased positivity, productivity, and profitability!
As I sit her at my desk and watch your video, I am moved to tears. No just sad tears, but proud tears. You have turned a very sad time in your life into something positive that can help others. You are touching those that need to hear the message of truly living.
I too had a loss, I lost my 25 year old son three years ago. He was camping with his friends and when jumping off the cliffs into the water, he slipped and hit his head and died.
I made a choice, as you did, to turn this into a positive (if you can actually say that). I did not want Chris’s legacy to be that everyone stopped living their lives because of his death. Chris would be devastated if he knew his death has caused others any pain. He loved life and lived it to the fullest. His motto was ?All or Nothing? and I can truly say that in his short 25 years, he touched more people and made more of difference in the world than many will do in a lifetime. Chris had a younger brother and two step sisters and a fianc?. All of them very close. As well as many, many, many friends who still grieve Chris today.
However, I took the bull by the horns and taught them to live again. Hardest thing I will ever have to do, but because of his death many have changed their lives. They live life fuller and love harder than they did before. Look who I am telling, Mrs. Positivity!! Something as small as every single friend and family member telling me that when someone wants to take their photo, they are happy to do so and do it with a smile, as they have heard me say over and over that all I have of Chris are memories and the thousands of photos his fianc? Rebecca took, many with them.
Thank you for sharing your story with others, as I know you have reached many who are struggling to “live” life. Thanks for your shining light, sometimes it’s hard to be the “light” for all those around you, it’s nice to let someone else be the light for a change!
Oh Kathy — now I am moved to tears. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Chris sounds like an exceptional guy — I am not surprised as you are his mom. My, oh, my…life is truly filled with highs and lows.
Your attitude, and how you have influenced others in your life, is so inspiring. I love the comment about people saying they actually feel good about smiling in photos. What a leader you are — you are making a difference to so many. Chris’s legacy is enhanced by you and your choices.
I’d love to share your words with people in the blog network — truly, you are amazing!! Would you be okay if I added your words as a comment on the blog post? No worries if you’d rather not…I totally understand … I just know that your experience and your wonderful resilience in the face of extreme adversity will mean so much to others who are struggling to move on from their own sad life experiences. Let me know (and, again, totally no pressure).
I am so grateful to be connected with you, Kathy! Thank you for following the blog — and I am always interested in hearing from you – whether a comment on the blog, an email, a question you might have, something I can help you with…whatever. I’m here.
Warm Regards, Deri
Well done, Deri, on your Ted Talk. I so appreciated how your story telling exemplified your theme of curious, caring and connected. Smooth and sophisticated.
You are very kind – thank you so much, Hilary!
Thanks for sharing that story Deri – I knew you had been married before, but had no idea what you had gone through. I appreciate your positive mood and your decision to help people see the goodness in their lives. even more than I did, knowing that you lost your dad and your first hubby, both at such a young age. Your positivity astounds me!
You are so kind – thank you very much, Celine!
Cheers, Deri
You did a brown bag lunch today in Portage and I went right back to work and got on your site and watched your TED presentation. It was beautiful and an inspiration to me. Thanks
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Diane! I sincerely appreciate you watching the video, and letting me know your thoughts on it.
Warm Regards, Deri
Ma’am I would like to tell you that you are an amazing woman we need more people like you!
I am only 16 but, I know what you mean you are an inspiration and my hero! I love you! I have been using your app!
I would love to talk to you I feel you can help me ma’am. I have been down a bad path that won’t let me turn back! I have been bullied ever sence I started middle school. I have had people beat on me, harass me. Kids have grabbed me were they shouldn’t have, they have even spit on me!
An I finally had enough an I punched a girl because her and her friends were ganging up on me and, no one would say anything. Then I got kicked out of school because she was a cheer leader and I am just a country kid. An they tried to give me a detention and she didn’t get nothing. So I walked out of school.
They sent me to a school were bad kids go to 2hrs away from my home. Were they restrain you and do whatever they want. I was picked on there to called rude names and I ended up fighting a girl there to because she tryed to claw my eyes out with fake nails.
Through out my life I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, an anger disorder, and ADHD. I have attempted seucide 12 times because of bulling. I am not proud of what I have done but, I had no one to stop the bulling people still do it! I have changed a lot though. After the last incident.
I was restraind at school for no reason and then people lied and put words in my mouth. They called a crisis woman were then she tryed to tell me I was being suicidel when I was not! Were then I was taken by ambulance “were I was going to meet my parents at a hospital so they said!”
When I got there they wanted to draw blood and I have a fear of needles so I asked to wait for my parents and I said besides I am a miner. They said” I could” until they crisis woman came! She made them tell me that “I needed to move to a diffrent room because they needed this room” then I seen the sign (behavioral health) tears started rolling! I asked the nurse were are my parents? She ignored me! And pushed me in the room! Then the crisis woman was there!
They told me to go into this room there was no windows no just a bed with a door. I said “NO you said I can wait” then the crisis woman said shut up and go in there! I hit the floor and started crying I said were are my parents! I want to speak to my parents!
Then the crisis woman said “GRAB HER” and these to men grabed my arms and I said please no stop I said I just want to talk to my parents I didn’t do anything I PROMIS! I tried to make the let go but the slamed me on a bed and then they strapped me down! I was screaming please some one help! I only seen this kind of stuff in movies not for real! I didn’t know what they were going to do! Then the nurse took off my jeans and I was fighting to keep them on.
Then the next thing I know a woman came in with a needle full of something and I screamed at the top of my lungs! She ramped it right in my arm then I don’t remember anything after that. But my parents told me I broke a strap and was very aggressive towards them.. And they put me In a mental hospital and was mad at me. To this day I have night terrors about that night.
I am so very sorry to hear about the challenging time you have had in your life. I am glad that you do reach out to people who can help. There are many very wonderful, caring people out there who can help you to learn strategies for happiness and health. Keep up a practice of positive mental health. You can overcome many challenges by deciding, by choosing, to view the world in a positive and hopeful way. I am so pleased that you mentioned that you are using Mood Manager App – I created it for exactly that purpose.
I wish you well. And, something to say to yourself when life is challenging – ‘it is what it is, when it is’…this can help to remind you that sometimes we need to just acknowledge where things are in the moment, and to know that it will pass and something better will be upon us. Then be mindful of that positive moment – fully embrace it.
Warm Regards, Deri