Deri's Blogs

Are You Sociable?

I admire my daughter. ?She is a lovely person – who loves people…she is, what I would call, sociable. ?She is also one of the happiest people I know. ?I believe she is the truly flourishing.

I am continually curious about what contributes to human flourishing. I’ve certainly read extensively on the topic, and have noted some commonalities. ?The most notable, and likely first source for me, was Martin Seligman, who developed the PERMA?Model. ?PERMA stands for the five essential elements that contribute to the experience of lasting well-being: Positive Emotion, Engagement, Positive Relationships, Meaning, and Achievement or Accomplishment. ?We can all likely agree that each of these contribute to overall well being and happiness.

It wasn’t until I looked closely at?C. L. Keyes’s 13 Dimensions of Flourishing?that I realized just how much being sociable matters to well-being, flourishing, and overall happiness. ?Read over the list below. ?At least half of the items are directly linked to being sociable, and the rest are dependent on social factors. ?As you peruse the list, think about how they relate to you.

Keyes’s dimensions are:

1. Regular Affect?appears regularly cheerful, interested in life, in good spirits, happy, calm and peaceful

2. Avowed Quality of Life?expresses high satisfaction with life

3. Self-Acceptance?holds positive attitude toward onself

4. Social Acceptance?holds positive attitudes toward others

5. Personal Growth-shows insight into own potential and development

6. Social Actualization-believes groups can evolve positively

7. Purpose in Life?holds goals and beliefs that affirm a sense of direction and meaning in life

8. Social Contribution?feels that one?s life is useful to society

9. Environmental Mastery?can manage complex environments

10. Social Coherence?is interested in society or social life, believes they are intelligible and meaningful

11. Autonomy?exhibits self-direction, resists unsavory social pressures

12. Positive Relations with Others?has warm, satisfying, trusting personal relationships

13. Social Integration?enjoys a sense of belonging in a community, comfort and support from others

Each of these, as with Selgman’s PERMA Model are also very congruous with Emotional Intelligence. Reuven Bar-On’s Model includes 5 realms and 15 competencies…and likewise the competencies are highly ‘sociable’. ?They are Intrapersonal (emotional self-awareness, self-regard, assertiveness, self-actualization, independence), Interpersonal (empathy, interpersonal relationships, social responsibility), Adaptability (problem solving, flexibility, reality testing), Stress Management (stress tolerance, impulse control), and General Mood (optimism, happiness). ?If they don’t seem directly social, my experience with EI is that one’s awareness about personal competencies is highly dependent on attending to information from the social world (i.e. your first indication of how well you manage your emotions, is likely found on the expressions on the faces of others around you).

My daughter has taught me a lot about flourishing and well being. ?Even though she has personally experienced some tough times in the social realm of life (bullying and social exclusion), she has incredible resolve and belief in the power of social connection. ?I learn by watching and listening to her.

Who are the role models for you? ?What have you noticed about those individuals, and what lessons can you apply to your own life?

Here is a little experiment that you might be interested in pursuing. There are 13 items on the Keyes list. There are also 26 (2X13) bi-weekly periods in a year. ?Start at the top of the list. ?Focus on that one area for two weeks. ?During each two week period, tune in daily. ?Ask yourself how you are doing in that area, dig deep, and query about what you might be able to do to enhance that area in your life. ?Better yet, buddy up with someone and add a little sociability to the exercise! Then, after two weeks, move on to the next item.

I wonder how ‘well’ you’ll ‘be’ at this time next year. ?And, you know, I’d love to hear from you. ?Now, go…get sociable!

Deri Latimer, B Mgt, CSP, is an expert in positive possibilities for people! She is one of fewer than 10% of speakers globally who hold the designation of Certified Speaking Professional. Deri combines a Business degree in Human Resources with experience from business sectors including health care, manufacturing, education, agriculture, government, mining, transportation, tourism, and professional services. Deri provides practical strategies for mental health ‘at work’; impacting individuals and organizations?to increase resilience to change, energize engagement with the organization, and propel meaningful performance results that last!??







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