Fear, Love, Acceptance, Peace and Dreams

At this time of year, you might be thinking about your goals for the year, and evaluating how well you did on your goals last year.? Both can bring some angst.? ?What if I fail to meet my goals again this year??? ?Look how lousy I did on my goals last year??? ?Really, do I have any control over my life at all???? “What’s the point?”

Well, there is a point; and you have more control than you think!

Control simply means that you believe you have some ability to affect the outcome of a particular situation.? It does not mean that you completely can guarantee the outcome?it simply means that you believe you can influence or affect the outcome.?

It’s sort of like the experience of having, and then raising, children.? When I was a new mother, I thought I could control every aspect of my children?s lives; I was sure that my actions would determine the kind of person they ended up being.? Well, now I know?that?s not exactly the case.?

Do I influence them?? Absolutely!? Does what I do and say affect their choices along the way? ?You bet!? But I, definitely and unequivocally, do not control them!? And, as I have come to realize with maturity, that is a good thing!!

I am sure you have already read, or received from friends and colleauges,? all kinds of advice about what to do with this year’s goals.? Well, let me add another possibility.

Consider this formula for success in 2012.? Engage in these emotional states, and notice what happens!

Fear:

Fear is a normal, frequent human emotion.? And, it is likely the one that prevents you from completely living your life.? Ask yourself, “What am I?afraid of?”? “What is the gift in the fear?”

If you face the fear, and keep on going, what will happen?? Perhaps joy, freedom and peace are just?beyond it!?

Love:

Replace your disabling emotions with enabling ones.? The opposite of fear is love.? So, why not learn to love your fear!??

Allow yourself to embrace and learn from the fear you face.?? Greater love?is the opportunity.

Acceptance:

Through love you can accept yourself, your choices, and your accomplishments (whatever they may be).? You are not perfect, nor are your choices.? Your accomplishments may not be as you wish they were.? That is okay.? Today is a new day.? Go after what you want.? Set new goals and start walking in the direction of those goals.? Take one step at a time.

Peace:

Peace is not about being passive.? It is not about ?settling?.? Peace is about continually moving toward a state of balance, flow, and serenity.?

Fear keeps you from finding peace; and acceptance allows you to face your fear, and find peace ? moment by moment, day by day, year by year.

These emotions might just be the F.L.A.P. (Fear, Love, Acceptance, Peace); the flap that can sometimes hold you back, and the same flap that can be opened to see the pathway to your future…the pathway to your dreams.

Dreams:

What are your dreams for 2012??

What are your dreams for your life??

Are you living your dream, in one way or another??

I was inspired by this video of a family who dreamed of traveling around the world in a vintage car.? They are doing it.? And, they are finding a way to help themselves be able to do it. ?They are not focused on the fear, but are focused on the love.?

They have discovered resources, strengths, resilience and joy that they would never have discovered had they chosen the ?safe? route.? It is in pursuing their dream that they have been able to discover so much about themselves, and each other.

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WYD: THE ZAPP FAMILY (FULL) from WYD Productions on Vimeo.

This might not be your dream.? But, think about it now ? what is your dream?? What will bring you great joy, energy and connection?? What would you do, if you could??

Then ask yourself, am I living my dream??? And, if not…when?

 

Deri Latimer, B Mgt, CSP, is an expert in possibilities for people! She is one of fewer than 10% of speakers globally who hold the designation of Certified Speaking Professional, the speaking profession?s measure of excellence in professional platform skill. Deri combines a Business degree in Human Resources with experience from business sectors including health care, manufacturing, education, agriculture, government, mining, transportation, tourism, and professional services. Deri helps individuals and organizations optimize their performance by managing their energy; applying the latest research and practice in positive psychology, appreciative inquiry, emotional intelligence, and employee engagement.? www.derilatimer.com

Never Give Up!

I just saw this video and was completely moved by it!

Heather Dorniden of the University of Minnesota races the 600m at the Big 10 Indoor Track Championships.

She reminds us what a race really is about.

What life is really about.

We will fall. We can rise.

Never give up!

It’s a simple, yet powerful, reminder for us all.

When I was 16, I left my comfortable home in northern Manitoba to attend the University of Winnipeg Collegiate for Grade 12.? My parents were determined to help me transition to ‘university life’ by acquiring a broader perspective at a larger learning institution.

Before I left, some of my ‘friends’ made comments like, ‘you won’t make it’, ‘you’ll be back, just like the rest of us’.? At the time, I thought, ‘I’ll show you!? I’ll do this and I’ll do well!’

Well, the?University of?Winnipeg?was indeed a larger institution!? I’ll never forget my first day of school – it was orientation day.

I walked into Wesley Hall…and froze.? In that building – in one room – there were more people than I had ever seen in one place in my entire life!? I was from a? town with?a population of about 1,500…and I found myself standing among 500 of my peers waiting to enter the lecture hall.? Well, actually, I did not think of them as my peers.? I actually think I heard that Sesame Street song playing in my head ‘one of these things does not belong here, one of these things is not like the others…’.?? That one thing was me.? I did not look like anyone else, and I was pretty sure I did not feel like anyone else.? They all seemed so sophisticated and worldly; and I …well…not so much!? My hair and clothes were totally ‘uncool’ and I could not make eye contact with a single person.? I felt ‘invisible’.

A part of?orientation day was an IQ test (yes, they did that in those days).? I felt like I was in a different country – I could hardly answer any of the questions!? I did the best I could, but I knew I was ‘guessing’ mostly.? I felt a confirming thought appear in my mind.? ‘See, you can’t do it!? You don’t belong here!’

A couple of days later, I was summoned to the Dean’s office.? I’ll never forget this experience.? The Dean asked me to sit down, and he then proceeded to tell me that I had scored the lowest score he had ever seen on an IQ test.? He wanted to check and see if I had understood the test and if I was ‘okay’.? I did not know what to say.? I sat stone-faced as the Dean talked and I remember that? I wanted to run!? I wanted to run fast and I wanted to run hard and I wanted to go home.? I had indeed ‘fallen’!

The Dean was very kind and reassured me as best he could.? I went back to my room in residence at Sparling Hall, called my mom, and bawled histerically for an hour.? My mom, in her kind and gentle way, listened …and then encouraged me to give it a day or two, and she said that I would feel better soon.

I remember laying on my bed that night and thinking…’I can’t go home…I can’t let those people be right…I can’t give up…I WILL show them.’

I decided that I needed to work my tail off…and that is exactly what I did.? I went ?to class, I listened intently to my instructors, I did all my homework… I didn’t socialize, I barely ate, I just studied (No, I am not recommending this as?the most?useful strategy for academic success…it’s just the one I chose at the time.)

When I graduated, I achieved not only my diploma (of which I am still most proud today – even over my Bachelor’s Degree and my CSP Designation) but?I achieved it ‘With Distinction’.? I remember looking at the list of graduates, and there was my name near the top…I belonged.? I ‘rose’.

That’s only one example from my life…of falling and rising.? I am grateful for them all.? How about you?? What are your examples?

Are you a leader who tried a new strategy with your team, and it failed?? So what???Think about what you have taught them…that?you are open to new innovations, and you know that not all of them will work (but some surely will!!)? Isn’t that what you want to inspire in them?

Are you?a parent whose child is struggling with a social situation at school, and it’s breaking her heart (and yours)??? Have a?discussion with her about?what can be learned from this situation, about the gifts that adversity (the ‘fall’) ?brings, and about how she can learn to be her own support system (she’ll need that resilience?for the rest of her life).

Are you a friend, who is an ‘ear’ for someone dealing with depression???Remind yourself and your friend,?that falls happen and so do rises.? In fact, the rise is far sweeter after picking yourself up from the fall!

If this video?inspires you as?it did me,?I’d love to hear your story about a time you experience a fall and rise.

Deri Latimer, B Mgt, CSP, is an expert in possibilities for people! She is one of fewer than 10% of speakers globally who hold the designation of Certified Speaking Professional, the speaking profession?s measure of excellence in professional platform skill. Deri combines a Business degree in Human Resources with experience from business sectors including health care, manufacturing, education, agriculture, government, mining, transportation, tourism, and professional services. Deri helps individuals and organizations optimize their performance by managing their energy; applying the latest research and practice in positive psychology, appreciative inquiry, emotional intelligence, and employee engagement.? www.derilatimer.com

WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET

Ten years ago, I was contracted by a client to provide a ‘lunch ‘n learn’ experience for? their staff.? Through our discussions, they liked my idea of calling it ‘What You See is What You Get’.? I still use that line regularly in sessions I deliver today.

I started the session with a story from my Interpersonal Communications Course text book at the University of Winnipeg.? The story was called ‘What Kind of People?’ from the book ‘The People, Yes” by C. Sandberg, Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, New York, 1964.? (No…I was not teaching the course in 1964…the text just included this old story as a meaningful reference for the section on perception.? The year of my course was 1998.)

Here’s how the story goes:

Drove up a newcomer in a covered wagon: “What kind of folk live around here?”

“Well, stranger, what kind of folk was there in the country you come from?”

“Well, they was mostly a lowdown, lying, gossiping, backbiting lot of people.”

“Well, I guess, stranger, that’s about the kind of folk you’ll find around here.”

And the dusty grey stranger had just about blended into the dusty grey cotton-woods in a clump on the horizon when another newcomer drove up.

“What kind of folk live around here?”

“Well, stranger, what kind of folk was there in the country you come from?”

“Well, they was mostly a decent, hardworking, law abiding, friendly lot of people.”

“Well, I guess, stranger, that’s about the kind of people you’ll find around here.”

And the second wagon moved off and blended with the dusty grey…

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I think this session title, like this story, reference a universal truth about we humans.? We do not see the world as it is, we see the world as?WE ARE.? (I think that comes from a quote from that famous person?’Anonymous’, but I have conflicting information on that source!!)

Albert Einstein said, “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” You will always remain where you are unless you change your picture. By changing the picture in your mind, you begin to change what you notice, and what becomes your reality.

This is exactly what Terry Small communicated in his youtube video earlier this year.? In the video, he talks about the young teacher who mistakenly took locker numbers to be IQ scores, and treated her students accordingly.? She thought she had a room full of geniuses (high locker numbers) and … guess what … her expectations were met!? It was not until the end of the year, that she discovered that those high numbers were not IQ scores.? At that point, who cares?? She had a class of high performers on her hands…and that was nothing but good!!? And, it have EVERYTHING to do with the picture she had of the students’ capability prior to the start of the year.

So … what are the pictures that reside in your brain?? What are the pictures you have of yourself?? (i.e. What do you ‘believe’ about yourself?)? What are the pictures of others?? (i.e. What do you ‘believe’ about others?)? Are these pictures/beliefs working FOR you or against you??

It’ s important to remember that you are not passive here.? You can decide to put the exact pictures you want in your brain.? Once or twice won’t do it; remember that it takes 21 days to change a habit – that goes for thinking habits as well.? Put the pictures you want in your brain over and over again. Then, watch things begin to change.

While you are contemplating this,?check out this beautiful 22 minute video – it is well worth your time investment!? Find a chunk of time, sit back, relax and enjoy!!

And then … tell me … what do you see?

?Deri Latimer, B. Mgt., CSP, is an expert in possibilities for people! She is one of fewer than 10% of speakers globally who hold the designation of Certified Speaking Professional, the speaking profession?s measure of excellence in professional platform skill. Deri combines a Business degree in Human Resources with experience from business sectors including health care, manufacturing, education, agriculture, government, mining, transportation, tourism, and professional services. Deri helps individuals and organizations optimize their performance by managing their energy; applying the latest research and practice in positive psychology, appreciative inquiry, emotional intelligence, and employee engagement.? www.derilatimer.com

 

The Butterfly Circus – HD from The Butterfly Circus on Vimeo.