A client emailed me last week.   ‘Deri, I can’t stop thinking about what you said in the workshop…about how leaders often talk too much, when they should just be quiet and listen instead.’  During the workshop ‘Emotional Intelligence: The Leader’s Advantage’ I shared with the group something that Marshall Goldsmith shared with a thousand or so of us who attending the National Speakers Association conference last year in New York.  Goldsmith is renowned as the world authority on leadership and he shared his observations from coaching leaders over the last decade.  Leaders have to ‘stop adding so much value’ he told us.  When a staff member brings a suggestion to the leader, the leader’s response is often to offer advice or suggestions to improve the idea.  Goldsmith says, while the leader may actually improve the quality of the idea by 20% with the extra advice, they decrease the commitment to the idea by 60%.  That idea resonated with me at the time…and clearly it resonated with my client as well.  ‘I always though that was what I was supposed to do as a leader’, my client added in her email.  ‘I thought THAT was my job!’  My experience shows that she is not alone; many leaders think the reason they got where they are is because they know so much (have so many answers).  When, in fact, the best leaders are those who inspire their staff by asking lots of questions – stimulating their thinking (over which they will have ownership … and commitment).

I thought about this the other day when my daughter said to me ‘mom, can I tell you about something that happened at school…and I don’t want any advice’?  Wow, that was an ‘aha’ moment!  I realized that I was doing at home what I have also done as a leader…offering advice too quickly.  So, the next time a team member approaches you with an idea…ask questions, don’t tell answers.  Then, notice what happens!

By the way, this – like any behaviour change – will take you a while to get used to (it won’t become a new habit right away).  Go easy on yourself.  In fact, tell your team what you want to do (do more asking than telling) and ask them to keep you in check.  That way, when they really want your advice, they will let you know.  And when they don’t, you have given them permission to remind you!

Let me know how it goes.

A colleague sent me an email the other day.  It was a ‘thank you’ note for my generosity.  This colleague had asked me to speak with one of her contacts who is planning to start a speaking, training and consulting business such as mine.  My colleague was impressed at how freely I shared my experience and provided tips to this new business owner; ‘even though’, she said, ‘this person might be in direct competition with you.’

I have reflected on that note ever since I received it.  I can honestly report that every opportunity, every positive experience, every good thing that has happened to me in my life and career, has occured when I came from a place of abundance rather than one of scarcity.  Each time the opposite has been true; when I have had problems, when I felt horrible about myself, and when good things were ‘not so much’ my experience, I was coming from a place of scarcity.

So, how can we create a sense of ‘abundance’.  I have a strategy I’d like to share with you.  I call it L.O.T.S. 

Look at, focus on, all of the good things that have happened in your life. 

Own your perspective.  Realize that you can choose to feel abundant and generous. 

Take action.  Don’t over-analyze the pros and cons…just do it! 

Share information, tips, and resources with people around you.

L.O.T.S. will turn into M.O.R.E.;

Meaning: your generosity will create an enhanced sense of meaning for you.  

Opportunities: People will think of you when they have information to share.   

Resources: Your store of resources will be increasingly replenished and grow.     

Energy: Your positive emotion will be engaged! 

Another paradox in life…the more you give away, the more you get!

Some workplaces practice scarcity; information is hoarded (almost as though the sharer risks losing it by sharing it), equipment is hidden, secrets are whispered.  Imagine how different it would be if everyone changed their perspective to one of abundance: Information is shared freely (believing that more shared creates more), equipment is available and accessible to whoever needs it, there are no secrets. 

How does your workplace stack up?  Does your team act ‘abundant’?