What is NLP?

November 11th, 2009

I am often asked ‘what is NLP?’  I became a certified practitioner of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) in 1991.  After a brief exposure to it through a colleague, I instantly recognized how NLP could be useful to me – in my work and in my life.

NLP is an approach to positive personal change.  It  provides a set of tools to help deal with unhelpful patterns of thought and behaviour, while simulatenously introducing new, helpful patterns.  NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) was created by Dr. Richard Bandler and Dr. John Grinder in the early 1970’s.  As the name suggests, NLP is about the relationship between the brain (neuro), verbal and non-verbal language used to communicate (linguistic), and the unique way they come together to create behaviour (programming).

You have some personal programs that work for you; and others that work against you.  NLP allows you to keep the ones that work for you and change those that do not.  The key, of course, is in being able to identify the program…NLP is about increasing your self-awareness, and then taking control of your thinking.

One enlightening NLP exercise has to do with recognizing and shaking limiting beliefs.  A limiting belief generally begins with one of the following:

‘I can’t… ’

EXAMPLE: ‘I can’t speak in public.’

‘People should…’ 

EXAMPLE: ‘People should be friendlier.’

‘Everyone thinks…’

EXAMPLE: ‘Everyone thinks communication in this company is poor.’

‘People never…’

EXAMPLE: ‘People never listen to me.’

Whenever you hear yourself making one of these statements, try this strategy. 

Step 1: Challenge the belief: Where does this belief come from?  Is this belief still valid?  What evidence do I have to support this belief?  What evidence suggests the belief is untrue?

Step 2: Find an alternative belief: Consider many possibilities.  Try on new beliefs that are more positive and choose the best one for you.

Step 3: Integrate the new belief:  Imagine how things will be different with the new belief and consider how you will feel about this change.  imagine yourself doing going through your life, interacting with others, with the new belief.  How do you feel?  Is this motivating for you?

Even though the name is long and looks complicated, the strategies of NLP are quite easy and straightforward.  The key is repetition and attention.  In the strategy above, if the belief is well ingrained in your thinking (if you have held the belief for a long time or if it is associated with a significant experience or memory), you may need to repeat the process about several times before you can fully integrate the new belief.  Then, attend to the new results in your thinking, feeling and behaviour. 

Do you have a belief that is getting in your way?  Send your story after you try the strategy above.  What new results are true for you?

 

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Spirit Week…Every Week!

October 8th, 2009

I read an article this week…from one of my internet Google Alerts.  It was one of those articles that struck me – instantly.  It was by Kim Smith and it was titled Sometimes we could all use a little spirit week.  Kim shared her findings from asking her daughter about her favourite part of spirit week.  You know what that is if you have children.  If you don’t have children, spriit week is a time (a week, actually) when schools engage in activities to infuse energy into the classroon…with friendly competition between classrooms and amongst the student-body as a whole.  Even my son, in middle school, has been heavily involved in collecting pennies ’so we can be the best classroom in the school!’

Kim’s daughter replied that the best part of spirit week was that all of the social rules disappeared and everyone was equal and everyone was focused on having fun.  ‘It doesn’t matter if I am in the band or I am a jock”, she said.  ‘Nobody cares about my clothes or anything.”  Kim’s daughter related that spirit week was about the team…doing what was best for the whole, and not worrying about individual, petty, differences.

I thought about that…and how true that was relative to my own children’s experience of spirit week.  Everyone is smiling, everyone is engaged, and everyone works together!  No one is left out and no ‘normal’ classes (the ‘populars’, the ‘nerds’, the ‘jocks’, etc.) exist.  We are just here, together, working together to achieve a common goal.  Not a bad formula for success in any organization, I think!!

While thinking about writing this post, my daughter came home from school (her first year in a new high school) and said ’Mom, I am so proud of myself!  I said “hi” to some people I don’t know really well … and they said “hi” back.  It was cool!’

So … next week, after you return from a weekend of thanksgiving celebrations with family, think about what you can do to make every week ’spirit week’ at your workplace.  Really…it doesn’t take much!  A smile, a ‘great to see you’, an engaged look in the eye…that’s it! 

Let me know how it goes…and I’ll do the same!

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Appreciative Inquiry “at Work”

September 8th, 2009

If you have not already heard of Appreciative Inquiry, check out AI Commons and learn a bit about AI and it’s founder David Cooperrider.  I first became acquainted with AI from a colleague; that inspired me to attend the AI Conference in Orlando Florida in 2008.  Since then, I use the principles of AI regularly in the work I do with organizations.  This summer, I took extensive training with Jane Magruder Watkins and Maureen McKenna on using the theory of AI in practice.

Here’s a quick peek at the principles of AI:

  • organizations (and the humans within) grow in the direction of their most frequent inquiries; when we appreciate what is best about ourselves and each other, and ask questions about that, we get more of what’s best
  • we learn about and create more success by asking ‘what is the root cause of success?’  (as opposed to creating more failure by asking ‘what is the root cause of our failure?’
  • we get higher performance by focusing on our strengths, rather than ‘fixing’ our weaknesses (inquiring about weaknesses begets more weaknesses)
  • our inquiries are fateful…the questions we ask set the stage for what we find; instead of asking ‘what is stopping us from being successful?, we need to ask ‘what is contributing to our success?’
  • our perceptions determine reality (not the other way around)
  • we socially contruct our organizations (and families, and world); our interactions are the source for what is true for us; so AI requires that the entire system (organization, family) participate in the process
  • we create what we imagine…we will notice what we anticipate, positive or negative, so anticipating a positive image of ourselves, each other, and our organizations, helps us to create that reality
  • the phases of AI are Discovery (inquiring about what’s right, what our strengths are, what is occurring when we are at our best); Dream (imagining our organization as we desire it in the future); Design (identifying the elements that will construct the dream organization); and Destiny (realizing our destiny, as we have constructed it)

There is much evidence that what we think about affects our actions which in turn determine our reality.  Most of us would agree with this idea.  Now we have the practice of Appreciative Inquiry which provides us with a process that works!

 

 

 

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Positive Psychology in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

July 17th, 2009

I recently returned from The First World Congress on Positive Psychology in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  In keeping with the P theme - one word encapsulates my experience there: Powerful!  What follows is a summary of a few of my key take-aways from the Congress.

Ed Diener spoke on ‘New Findings on Happiness’: there is a difference between wanting and liking…happiness is impacted most when we learn to WANT what we LIKE.  You might WANT the high-paying executive job, but not LIKE the work that comes with that job.  If you LIKE the outdoors, learn to WANT or desire finding work that helps you do what you LIKE.  He also shared some findings about the latest Positive Psychology research, like the study you might have read that said married people are happier.  Diener said the newest research is showing – not so much that married people are happier – but that happier people tend to be married!  Interesting…

Giovanni Fava, from Italy, spoke on ’Well-Being Therapy’: he shared a powerful example of how people can identify and modify dysfuctional beliefs (or thoughts) to positively affect their well-being.  For example, if you keep a journal of your internal dialogue throughout the day and you notice a thought like ‘I can’t do this’, you can immediately decide to change the thought to ‘I can do the best I can and see what happens’.  They key is to identify the dysfuctional thought and then consider a modification of that thought, and notice what happens in terms of how you feel.  One way to modify the internal dialogue is to write down what an ‘external observer’ might say about the situation that is causing you difficulty; record an alternative interpretation…then notice what might shift for you.

Michael Frese, from Germany, discussed positive psychology at work – his research confirms that people do best at work when they are active; being able to set goals and take personal initiative positively affect achievement at work.  There is a “clear and strong correlation between personal initiative (which engages and ignites positive emotion) and performance”. 

Raymond Fowler discussed positive health and positive aging in his session “how to die young as late as possible”.  He made a compelling argument to support the point that when you die is a matter of choice – or a series of choices (eating, exercising, all the stuff we all know).  Positive emotion is critical in a long life; happier people are healthier (fewer bad habits, better nutrition, take better care of themselves).  

Barbara Fredrickson discussed Positivity – the Pathway to Flourishing.  She shared her “positivity prescription” on 3 to 1 to reinforce that you need the levity of positivity to counterweight the gravity of negativity.  Fredrickson shared her ‘Broaden and Build’ theory of positive emotion; when you experience and express positive emotion, you live longer.  It’s not enough just to ‘be positive’, the positive emotion must be genuine and heartfelt.  To create a mindset of positivity. be:

  • open
  • appreciative
  • curious
  • kind
  • real (authentic)…sincerity counts!

Visit Fredrickson’s website for free resources.

David Cooperrider was a true highlight at the conference.  He completely captivated the audience with his hopeful message on ‘The Discovery and Design of Positive Institutions’.  Mr. Cooperrider, generous in nature, makes his slides from the conference available at aicommons@case.edu.  The message from Appreciative Inquiry is ‘change at the scale of the whole’.  Ai involves a shift to see the world anew.  Mr. Cooperrider shared with us a foundation of AI; that the question we ask determines what we find.  If we look for deficits (what’s wrong here?) we find more deficits; if we look for possibilities (what’s right here?) we find more possibility.  Most organizations look for what’s wrong and let strengths take care of themselves.  AI encourages us to focus on strengths and the weaknesses will take care of themselves.  The approach is 1) appreciate the best of what is, imagine what might be, design what could be and create what will be.  The key is in the inquiry…the inquiry must be the change we wish to see in the world (not the one we want to avoid or to eliminate).

The conference ended with some words from Chris Peterson that encouraged us to look in the mirror as we are the future, and Martin Seligman, renouned as the father of Positive Psychology, who introduced a new term, ‘Positive Neuroscience’.  I, for one, am looking forward to hearing more about that in the future.  What about you?

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Leadership is about Asking, not Telling

June 12th, 2009

A client emailed me last week.   ‘Deri, I can’t stop thinking about what you said in the workshop…about how leaders often talk too much, when they should just be quiet and listen instead.’  During the workshop ‘Emotional Intelligence: The Leader’s Advantage’ I shared with the group something that Marshall Goldsmith shared with a thousand or so of us who attending the National Speakers Association conference last year in New York.  Goldsmith is renowned as the world authority on leadership and he shared his observations from coaching leaders over the last decade.  Leaders have to ’stop adding so much value’ he told us.  When a staff member brings a suggestion to the leader, the leader’s response is often to offer advice or suggestions to improve the idea.  Goldsmith says, while the leader may actually improve the quality of the idea by 20% with the extra advice, they decrease the commitment to the idea by 60%.  That idea resonated with me at the time…and clearly it resonated with my client as well.  ‘I always though that was what I was supposed to do as a leader’, my client added in her email.  ‘I thought THAT was my job!’  My experience shows that she is not alone; many leaders think the reason they got where they are is because they know so much (have so many answers).  When, in fact, the best leaders are those who inspire their staff by asking lots of questions – stimulating their thinking (over which they will have ownership … and commitment).

I thought about this the other day when my daughter said to me ‘mom, can I tell you about something that happened at school…and I don’t want any advice’?  Wow, that was an ‘aha’ moment!  I realized that I was doing at home what I have also done as a leader…offering advice too quickly.  So, the next time a team member approaches you with an idea…ask questions, don’t tell answers.  Then, notice what happens!

By the way, this – like any behaviour change – will take you a while to get used to (it won’t become a new habit right away).  Go easy on yourself.  In fact, tell your team what you want to do (do more asking than telling) and ask them to keep you in check.  That way, when they really want your advice, they will let you know.  And when they don’t, you have given them permission to remind you!

Let me know how it goes.

 

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