In my early years’ report cards there was a theme; ‘okay student… talks too much’. It was true! I was a social animal…well, at the very least, I seemed to be unable to control my need to interact with people around me. It wasn’t until years later, that I realized I was an Extrovert. I needed to be able to interact in order to be able to learn. Because the environment was like most learning environments of the time, where ‘quiet’ and ‘order’ were valued, I tried desperately to BE QUIET. I was able to sustain that for a period of time…then my ‘natural’ tendencies would rise up (and it continued to get me in trouble with my teachers). I thought there was something wrong with me. Why could other kids perform well in this environment? Was I defective in some way?
I, only later in life, realized the significance of this experience. I was not at my best when I was quiet (unable to interact with others)…my ability to learn suffered, my overall performance was marginal…and my motivation tanked!
I wonder today if my teachers of the time would be at all surprised with my career choice. I am a professional speaker. I get to spend each day (at least those days when I am not creating new material) interacting with others…being energized by (and hopefully energizing) others. I would not trade this career for any other. I am truly in a position to operate from my strengths, most of the time, when I am working.
One other comment made by my early teachers was that I was a ‘daydreamer’. Well, guess what… I still am! (Another ‘problem’ that is actually an ’strength’.) I think it’s that strength that feeds my creativity – which keeps me personally engaged in what I do and around which I get most of my positive feedback from clients.
What are are your strengths? It’s sometimes not an easy question to answer. I’ll bet that you know that there are times at work in which you are energized and engaged; and there are other times in which you are not. Therein lies a clue about your strengths. Chances are – when your energy (and performance) is high, your strengths are in use. If you are interested in determining your strengths, there are some online resources available to you. Martin Seligman’s website, Authentic Happiness, features several assessments that are free of charge. You can also keep a simple journal, noting times at work when you are energized and engaged…what are you doing?
How much opportunity do you have to play to your strengths at work? According to Marcus Buckingham, author of ‘Go Put Your Strengths to Work (among other very good reads), only about 12% of us play to our strengths at work.
I speak about this topic – and several related to this topic – every day when I am keynoting a conference or leading a workshop. I cannot describe how exciting it is to watch people begin to be energized about the possibility of using their strengths more at work. It can be a transforming experience for them…you can actually see them change before your eyes! Their skin colour, posture, and overall way of being changes. Imagine capturing that transformation on a more permanent basis in workplaces everywhere!
Well, you can do more than imagine it! No matter what, you must begin with yourself. Start seeking more opportunity to do the work that energizes and engages you. Talk to your leader and share your ideas to play to your strengths more often. I cannot imagine a leader who is not interested in hearing about how you can positively impact your satisfaction and your results.
I saw this video recently…it brought a tear to my eye. It reminded me about the importance of allowing myself, and then others around me, to be who they are and play to their strengths. The possibilities are endless! And, you never know who you might serve, or SURF, in the process!
Service Dog to Surf-ice Dog!
Play to your Strengths!
May 7th, 2010Have a Magical Day, Folks!
April 8th, 2010That’s what the lovely young gentleman said to my family and I as we exited the boat that brought us from EPCOT back to our hotel at the Dolphin Resort. It brought an instant smile to my face! It reminded me of the many moments of magic that we had experienced that day together…were there line-ups? crowds? moments of exhaustion from the heat? Yes! And, there were many magical moments!!
It got me thinking also about customer service. Walt Disney World knows service! Perhaps some of you have had less than stellar experiences there; mine have been mostly positive – and many have been exceptional!
What is the secret to great customer service? I think it comes down to a few very simple things.
The first is – to smile. I wrote a post about the contagion theory related to smiling in late 2008. When you smile, it not only affects others in a positive (contagious) way, it also affects you!! It’s something we all ‘know’; even though we might not always remember to ‘do’ it. Want to feel better? Smile!! I was reminded recently of the power of a smile in a blog post by Christopher Peterson in Psychology Today. Dr. Peterson is among the most widely cited psychologists in the world, and he knows of which he speaks. Duchenne (genuine) smiles impact longevity! If we are talking about customer service, and the importance of customer satisfaction, and customer retention; I think increasing longevity is a very good thing!
My kids with their Duchenne Smiles
The second simple thing for great customer service is – greet people when you see them. Look them in the eye, smile, and show them in your greeting that you are glad they decided to patronize your business rather than someone else’s. The theme parks of Disney do this very well. Not only do they have several people greeting their visitors daily, they also greet you (and wish you a great – or magical – day) when you leave!! Some might argue that they don’t have to do this at all, as they have pretty well cornered the market on the whole Disney thing!! Yet, they do it…and it keeps us coming back!
The third simple principle is to listen to your customers. I know…these are simple, right? When I viewed this video on youtube the other day, I thought it really made the point. Watch this and ask yourself…Is this the kind of listening that is happening in our organization?
Every day I am reminded about the power of really listening. If you want to increase your sales, grow your career, increase your tips, engage your staff in your new initiative, have a better day, get more of what you want, influence others…all you have to do is listen more (and better!)
What kind of world would it be if…
- every teacher looked every child in the eye, smiled, and said ‘I am glad you are here today’?
- every CEO in the elevator looked away from the blackberry long enough to stop, smile and greet the employee standing beside him?
- every store clerk had a Duchenne smile that made you feel valued as a customer?
- every nurse served her patient just like she was being served by her supervisor – with CARE?
Why don’t we find out?
Try these few, simple techniques tomorrow and tell me what difference you noticed (in your customers…and in your own energy!!)
And, finally…have a magical day, folks!
Shot in the Dark
March 2nd, 2010There’s nothing like a great glass of red wine. Recently I tried a new Austalian Shiraz (my favourite) called “A Shot in the Dark”. Here is what was written on the bottle:
Life has its ups and downs. It can be both brutal and beautiful. You can hole yourself away to avoid life’s pain, but then the beauty seldom finds it’s way in. It’s only when you attempt to go where you cannot go, or do what you cannot do, that you can achieve what you are truly capable of doing. Sure, you might tumble, you might fall. So what? Take a chance. Go way out on the limb. Dare to try – even if it’s just a shot in the dark.
This resonated with me because it has played out regularly in my life. When I take a risk, I achieve greater rewards (joy, fulfillment … and accomplishment). A shot in the dark is more exciting than a sure thing. There is power in the element of surprise and in venturing into the unknown. The emotions connected to a shot in the dark are exhilarating and awaken me to noticing what I might not otherwise notice -within me and around me.
Although I am a huge risk-taker in my work, I am the exact opposite when it comes to amusement parks and the rides therein. On a family trip to Disney World, I decided to take a ’shot in the dark’. I did not want to miss out on actually ‘living this’ experience with my children. I was not sure what would happen. I had to prepare myself for the potential embarassment of losing control of all my bodily functions, or worse! I did not want to do it! I was SCARED! It seemed so easy to just watch from the sidelines, as I had many times before when we attended the Red River Exhibition here in Winnipeg.
Afraid and unsure, I went for it! At the end of my first ride, I felt exhilarated and re-born. I could hardly contain myself. I was both proud and amazed at myself for having done it!
Of course, I am not suggesting that a blind shot in the dark is always a good idea…I am, however, encouraging you to consider that calculated, intelligent risk taking is one way to open yourself up to brand new experiences. Take a shot!
So, when have you taken a shot in the dark?
Feeling ‘Blue’?
January 27th, 2010Often, at this time of year, I – and others I know – feel a little ‘blue’. It’s cold outside (at least it is here in many parts of Canada), the holiday madness is over, and another year of goal setting and action planning is upon us. This ‘blue’ feeling is what has inspired me to write this post.
I am, overall, a very happy person. I have realized that, while that is the case most of the time, there are other times where my happiness wanes. During those times, I am aware that my thoughts are different … they are less positive and they are quite clearly impacting my emotion (I feel ‘blue’) and my behaviour.
I speak to audiences every day and share the latest research on happiness and well-being. In fact, the new term in Positive Psychology is ‘flourishing’…isn’t that a wonderful word! So what, I wonder, does a flourishing human being think, feel and do?
I am attracted to, and my audiences appreciate, quick little strategies and tools to shift energy when the ‘blues’ arrive. I’d like to share a few of them with you today.
One great resource I discovered (actually, a wonderful colleague introduced me to this; thank you, Jennifer) is
The Happiness Institute’s Daily Happiness Checklist. You can print this off and keep it close to your desk and quickly review it each day. You’ll definitely notice a shift in your energy.
Another quick resource is to begin a gratitude journal. Each day – record two or three things for which you are grateful. At first, you might find that the items you record are huge, significant items…like the love of your children, your mothers wise words, etc. After awhile you will find yourself including other things …like fresh, crisp air and dental floss. The idea is – and it seems to have sort of magical results – when you focus on what you are grateful for, you magnify the positivity of that item (and you engage the positive emotion of gratitude). Another strategy that I use regularly with groups is to shift negative, unhelpful thoughts to more positive, helpful ones. It sound so simple, and yet results in a shift in energy (from the blues to something warmer…maybe orange!) that can propel you to make different, more productive choices.
Recently, Barbara Ehrenreich has received a lot of press around her book ‘Bright-Sided’ which seems to blame positive thinking for enabling people to avoid confronting serious problems in the workplace, the economy, or in their lives. Ms. Ehrenreich certainly has a point in that none of us is served well if we stick our head in the sand, sing ‘Kum Ba Ya’, and wish that all bad things disappear. We need to be cognizant of what is really happening around us. However, too much focus on problems – in my experience – just creates more (magnifies) problems.
Consider my friend Jane who is dying of cancer. Jane knows the reality – she is dying – and she knows that she has a choice around how she will spend her remaining days with her family. It can only serve Jane well to decide – to choose – to be positive. To think positively about what is possible during her shortened life and to send that energy out to everyone else around her. I mean, what are her options…to spend the short time she has with her loved ones consumed with negativity and sorrow? I cannot fathom any purpose served by Jane staying engaged in negative emotion – no purpose for her and certainly none for her loved ones. Jane is not in denial – she is in choice.
One last strategy I would like to share is one that I use regularly…I love it’s simplicity and effectiveness. Whenever you find yourself in a situation that is not ideal, decide to A.C.T.: Accept your current reality (for Jane, she would say ‘I accept that I am dying’), then Choose a vision of what you would like in this situation (Jane might say ‘I choose to enjoy every moment with my family and to create more lasting, fond memories’), then Take action to achieve the vision. Jane can:
- think positive thoughts about herself
- think positive thoughts about the people around her
- decide to connect with her family whenever she can
- ask lots of questions of others to shift focus away from her illness and toward the myriad of activities that others are involved with
- end each day with a gratitude journal
Each of these actions will help move Jane TOWARD her vision (what she wants) so she is not using her energy moving AWAY from what she does not want (the reality of her situation).
I believe you can be both realistic AND hopeful! As I left my visit with Jane a few days ago, she smiled to me at the door and said ‘you never know, Deri…I might just be a medical miracle’. And, I agree, you never know – so why not think (feel and do) like it’s possible. I’d call that flourishing!
What do you think?
Move INTO A NEW GROOVE in 2010!
December 23rd, 2009This is the time of year when many of us are thinking about the new year ahead of us. It is a common practice to begin thinking about resolutions for the new year. Of course, we all know the humour around New Year’s Resolutions…they often aren’t very long-lived (i.e. resolve on January 1, break the resolution on January 3!!) Like all good intentions, new year’s resolutions are just that…good intentions. They need some work in order for them to become reality!
There are some other resources you can use to help you focus on what you want as you look ahead. One is called The Coaching Game . I learned about (and purchased) this great resource while attending the First World Congress on Positive Psychology this summer. The game allow you to ask yourself questions, and then uses pictures, words, and stories to help you self-discover.
Another amazing resource that I have used with clients for many years is an Outcome Specification Exercise. This set of questions allow you to identify – at a sensory level – what it is that you want and how you will know when you have it. It is a modification of an exercise I learned when I became certified as a Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner. Ask yourself these questions to specify your outcome.
1) What specifically do you want?
Make sure this is stated positively. For example, rather than saying “I want to lose 20 pounds’, says something like ‘I want to be healthy’.
2) How will you know that you have reached your outcome?
Identify exactly how you will know that you have what you want. Identify what you will see, hear and feel, that will indicate to you that you have what you want.
3) How would an observer be able to detect that you have what you want?
Think about others around you…how would they be able to know that you have reached your outcome? What will they see; what will they hear?
4) What will having this outcome do for you?
Identify all of the benefits of having your outcome.
5) What stops you from having it now?
Keep asking yourself this question ‘what else stops you?’ until you have no more responses.
6) What are you willing to do in order to get your outcome?
This will help you to begin to develop the necessary action steps required to achieve your outcome…including different ways of thinking, feeling and behaving.
7) What are you willing to stop doing (something you have been doing that has been preventing you for getting your outcome) in order to get your outcome?
This last question can be very illuminating! Sometimes we get in our own way!
Try one of these strategies – or another one – and let me know how it goes!
In the mean time…best wishes for a GROOVY new year!!
