There’s nothing like a great glass of red wine. Recently I tried a new Austalian Shiraz (my favourite) called “A Shot in the Dark”. Here is what was written on the bottle:
Life has its ups and downs. It can be both brutal and beautiful. You can hole yourself away to avoid life’s pain, but then the beauty seldom finds it’s way in. It’s only when you attempt to go where you cannot go, or do what you cannot do, that you can achieve what you are truly capable of doing. Sure, you might tumble, you might fall. So what? Take a chance. Go way out on the limb. Dare to try – even if it’s just a shot in the dark.
This resonated with me because it has played out regularly in my life. When I take a risk, I achieve greater rewards (joy, fulfillment … and accomplishment). A shot in the dark is more exciting than a sure thing. There is power in the element of surprise and in venturing into the unknown. The emotions connected to a shot in the dark are exhilarating and awaken me to noticing what I might not otherwise notice -within me and around me.
Although I am a huge risk-taker in my work, I am the exact opposite when it comes to amusement parks and the rides therein. On a family trip to Disney World, I decided to take a ’shot in the dark’. I did not want to miss out on actually ‘living this’ experience with my children. I was not sure what would happen. I had to prepare myself for the potential embarassment of losing control of all my bodily functions, or worse! I did not want to do it! I was SCARED! It seemed so easy to just watch from the sidelines, as I had many times before when we attended the Red River Exhibition here in Winnipeg.
Afraid and unsure, I went for it! At the end of my first ride, I felt exhilarated and re-born. I could hardly contain myself. I was both proud and amazed at myself for having done it!
Of course, I am not suggesting that a blind shot in the dark is always a good idea…I am, however, encouraging you to consider that calculated, intelligent risk taking is one way to open yourself up to brand new experiences. Take a shot!
So, when have you taken a shot in the dark?
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Shot in the Dark
Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010Leadership is about Asking, not Telling
Friday, June 12th, 2009A client emailed me last week. ‘Deri, I can’t stop thinking about what you said in the workshop…about how leaders often talk too much, when they should just be quiet and listen instead.’ During the workshop ‘Emotional Intelligence: The Leader’s Advantage’ I shared with the group something that Marshall Goldsmith shared with a thousand or so of us who attending the National Speakers Association conference last year in New York. Goldsmith is renowned as the world authority on leadership and he shared his observations from coaching leaders over the last decade. Leaders have to ’stop adding so much value’ he told us. When a staff member brings a suggestion to the leader, the leader’s response is often to offer advice or suggestions to improve the idea. Goldsmith says, while the leader may actually improve the quality of the idea by 20% with the extra advice, they decrease the commitment to the idea by 60%. That idea resonated with me at the time…and clearly it resonated with my client as well. ‘I always though that was what I was supposed to do as a leader’, my client added in her email. ‘I thought THAT was my job!’ My experience shows that she is not alone; many leaders think the reason they got where they are is because they know so much (have so many answers). When, in fact, the best leaders are those who inspire their staff by asking lots of questions – stimulating their thinking (over which they will have ownership … and commitment).
I thought about this the other day when my daughter said to me ‘mom, can I tell you about something that happened at school…and I don’t want any advice’? Wow, that was an ‘aha’ moment! I realized that I was doing at home what I have also done as a leader…offering advice too quickly. So, the next time a team member approaches you with an idea…ask questions, don’t tell answers. Then, notice what happens!
By the way, this – like any behaviour change – will take you a while to get used to (it won’t become a new habit right away). Go easy on yourself. In fact, tell your team what you want to do (do more asking than telling) and ask them to keep you in check. That way, when they really want your advice, they will let you know. And when they don’t, you have given them permission to remind you!
Let me know how it goes.
Abundance or Scarcity?
Sunday, May 31st, 2009A colleague sent me an email the other day. It was a ‘thank you’ note for my generosity. This colleague had asked me to speak with one of her contacts who is planning to start a speaking, training and consulting business such as mine. My colleague was impressed at how freely I shared my experience and provided tips to this new business owner; ‘even though’, she said, ‘this person might be in direct competition with you.’
I have reflected on that note ever since I received it. I can honestly report that every opportunity, every positive experience, every good thing that has happened to me in my life and career, has occured when I came from a place of abundance rather than one of scarcity. Each time the opposite has been true; when I have had problems, when I felt horrible about myself, and when good things were ‘not so much’ my experience, I was coming from a place of scarcity.
So, how can we create a sense of ‘abundance’. I have a strategy I’d like to share with you. I call it L.O.T.S.
Look at, focus on, all of the good things that have happened in your life.
Own your perspective. Realize that you can choose to feel abundant and generous.
Take action. Don’t over-analyze the pros and cons…just do it!
Share information, tips, and resources with people around you.
L.O.T.S. will turn into M.O.R.E.;
Meaning: your generosity will create an enhanced sense of meaning for you.
Opportunities: People will think of you when they have information to share.
Resources: Your store of resources will be increasingly replenished and grow.
Energy: Your positive emotion will be engaged!
Another paradox in life…the more you give away, the more you get!
Some workplaces practice scarcity; information is hoarded (almost as though the sharer risks losing it by sharing it), equipment is hidden, secrets are whispered. Imagine how different it would be if everyone changed their perspective to one of abundance: Information is shared freely (believing that more shared creates more), equipment is available and accessible to whoever needs it, there are no secrets.
How does your workplace stack up? Does your team act ‘abundant’?
The Positive Psychology of “Meaning”
Thursday, April 30th, 2009I dragged my butt over to the school to set up for Staff Appreciation Week. ‘How come it’s always the same people who volunteer for these things?’ I muttered to myself, a bit resentfully. My children’s school has over 600 students, and yet it appears that it is the same small group of parents volunteering for most school events. At times, when my life is crazy busy and I am leaving my family ONCE AGAIN to head out to volunteer, I wonder what I am doing spending MY time to serve the needs of others.
Then, I walk in the front door of school. It’s early in the morning, and the hallways are already ‘abuzz’ with kids and teachers getting ready to begin their day. The first person I see is our Principal. ‘Good Morning’ she says. ‘Good Morning to you’ I say back. She is dressed in a fabulous red leather blazer and looks refreshed and cheerful. I realize how much I appreciate her; not, of course, for how she dresses, but for the kind of engaged and energized person that she is.
‘Thanks for all the treats’ she says. I smile and say something like ‘you are so welcome; you deserve to be treated’. I can’t help but smile inside and out as she genuinely smiles at me in that moment.
I head into the staff room. There are a few staff members assembled and I greet them as I head to our ‘treat table’ (a table of cookies, cakes, cupcakes, candies, squares, and other yummy things baked by caring parents). ‘Good morning’ I say to them as I pass. ‘Good morning’ they respond, and add ‘thank you so much for all the great treats, we really appreciate them’. ‘You are so welcome’ I say; feeling it even more than the last time, when I said it to the Principal.
I continue preparing the table of treats; I see a number of teachers coming in to fill a plate with some treats to take back to their class. ‘Thank you’ is a regular comment in my direction. ‘You are welcome’ is my response. Each ‘thank you’ elevates my energy. Each ‘you’re welcome’ from me elevates my energy also. ’What is happening?’ I wonder. I feel really energized!
I returned to the school a couple of more times that day; to clean crumbs off the ‘treat table’ and to re-stock it to look inviting to school staff. Each time I returned, I was bombarded with appreciation from the staff (who, we were appreciating with all the treats!) I suddenly realized…it is a “gift” to volunteer.
Martin Seligman, the ‘father’ of Positive Psychology, speaks and writes about the connection between happiness and meaning; doing things that are not about self-interest but about the greater good. I think that’s what happened during Staff Appreciation Week for me. I certainly had considered this reality as I learned about, and became certified in, Emotional Intelligence ; yet there was nothing that could match the power of a ‘real’ experience.
So, the next time you find yourself muttering and wondering why you are doing something (that you know is good for others, yet you are feeling personally drained and maybe even a little self-centred); pay attention! I’ll bet you will discover that the biggest payoff to volunteering is to the payoff to YOU.
“Meaning” is indeed a personal experience…and the best way to experience “meaning” is not in serving yourself, but in serving others. I think that is a paradox “in” action!!
What do you think?
PLAN to Retire
Saturday, August 9th, 2008I’ve thought about retiring since I started working. Really. My father passed away just after I graduated from high school. He was a young man of just 45. I decided to stay in our small northern community to help my mom get on her feet. I got my first job in the Personnel Department (remember those days, when HR was called ‘Personnel’?) of the local mining company. I had the benefits portfolio (I was the one who retiring folks needed to see to get paperwork in order prior to retirement), and it astounded me how often I encountered people who were apprehensive about retiring. ‘What?’ I thought, ‘How can limitless free time be a BAD thing?’ What I discovered then, and since then, is that many people retire only to find themselves ‘lost’, and all that ‘free time’ that seems so desirable is filled with a) not much, or b) lots of things that other people want you to do (i.e. ‘their’ to-do list, not yours).
The boomers of today (and the generations that follow) will have decades of leisure time (unlike our parent, who often had a short retirement period, if any - my father is a case in point). What is your PLAN for retirement? All the research shows that the earlier you begin planning, the better (not a novel concept, I know, but one worth a reminder).
So, success in retirement requires a PLAN:
P – PREPARE your Vision: What turns you on? What motivates you? What gets your motor running? What have you always wanted to do but never had the time because you were busy with work, family, etc.? Whether you call this your purpose, your mission, or your dream; write it down and see yourself doing that in your retirement. Start TODAY setting goals and creating action plans to begin bringing your vision to life.
L – LEARN and Un-Learn: Keep learning – now and in your retirement. And, keep un-learning. Be curious about discovering new relationships and new things. Challenge yourself each day. And, un-learn old habits that prevent you from being happy so that you can and learn new ones. Some of your old habits were useful for you at one point in time; now they might be limiting you. There are no real rules in retirement; this is the time to craft the life you desire.
A – ACT on YOUR Schedule: I know. You are looking forward to having NO schedule in retirement, right? Well, guess what; no schedule often means someone else will craft one for you – and chances are good it won’t be filled with the things that you desire! So, make sure to create your own schedule and fill it with things that are aligned with your vision. And, make sure to let your friends and family know what your schedule is…and respect that schedule as much as you respect your work schedule now.
N – NOURISH Yourself: Feed all parts of yourself (and schedule this in to make sure you are doing it). Eat properly and regularly (you already know what that means…follow the food guide); exercise (this does not mean you have to take up a high-intensity boxing class – walking is a great way to get moving – and there are no membership fees); read and challenge your mind; connect with family and friends; attend to your spirit. Your schedule can help you to ensure that you have balance in each of these areas.
PLANning for retirement has an added bonus. In addition to ensuring greater success and happiness in retirement, planning helps you achieve greater happiness NOW! You’ll experience tremendous joy and gratitude now as you craft your desired state in the future.
Have you got a retirement tip to share?
