In my early years’ report cards there was a theme; ‘okay student… talks too much’. It was true! I was a social animal…well, at the very least, I seemed to be unable to control my need to interact with people around me. It wasn’t until years later, that I realized I was an Extrovert. I needed to be able to interact in order to be able to learn. Because the environment was like most learning environments of the time, where ‘quiet’ and ‘order’ were valued, I tried desperately to BE QUIET. I was able to sustain that for a period of time…then my ‘natural’ tendencies would rise up (and it continued to get me in trouble with my teachers). I thought there was something wrong with me. Why could other kids perform well in this environment? Was I defective in some way?
I, only later in life, realized the significance of this experience. I was not at my best when I was quiet (unable to interact with others)…my ability to learn suffered, my overall performance was marginal…and my motivation tanked!
I wonder today if my teachers of the time would be at all surprised with my career choice. I am a professional speaker. I get to spend each day (at least those days when I am not creating new material) interacting with others…being energized by (and hopefully energizing) others. I would not trade this career for any other. I am truly in a position to operate from my strengths, most of the time, when I am working.
One other comment made by my early teachers was that I was a ‘daydreamer’. Well, guess what… I still am! (Another ‘problem’ that is actually an ’strength’.) I think it’s that strength that feeds my creativity – which keeps me personally engaged in what I do and around which I get most of my positive feedback from clients.
What are are your strengths? It’s sometimes not an easy question to answer. I’ll bet that you know that there are times at work in which you are energized and engaged; and there are other times in which you are not. Therein lies a clue about your strengths. Chances are – when your energy (and performance) is high, your strengths are in use. If you are interested in determining your strengths, there are some online resources available to you. Martin Seligman’s website, Authentic Happiness, features several assessments that are free of charge. You can also keep a simple journal, noting times at work when you are energized and engaged…what are you doing?
How much opportunity do you have to play to your strengths at work? According to Marcus Buckingham, author of ‘Go Put Your Strengths to Work (among other very good reads), only about 12% of us play to our strengths at work.
I speak about this topic – and several related to this topic – every day when I am keynoting a conference or leading a workshop. I cannot describe how exciting it is to watch people begin to be energized about the possibility of using their strengths more at work. It can be a transforming experience for them…you can actually see them change before your eyes! Their skin colour, posture, and overall way of being changes. Imagine capturing that transformation on a more permanent basis in workplaces everywhere!
Well, you can do more than imagine it! No matter what, you must begin with yourself. Start seeking more opportunity to do the work that energizes and engages you. Talk to your leader and share your ideas to play to your strengths more often. I cannot imagine a leader who is not interested in hearing about how you can positively impact your satisfaction and your results.
I saw this video recently…it brought a tear to my eye. It reminded me about the importance of allowing myself, and then others around me, to be who they are and play to their strengths. The possibilities are endless! And, you never know who you might serve, or SURF, in the process!
Service Dog to Surf-ice Dog!
Archive for the ‘Happiness’ Category
Play to your Strengths!
Friday, May 7th, 2010Feeling ‘Blue’?
Wednesday, January 27th, 2010Often, at this time of year, I – and others I know – feel a little ‘blue’. It’s cold outside (at least it is here in many parts of Canada), the holiday madness is over, and another year of goal setting and action planning is upon us. This ‘blue’ feeling is what has inspired me to write this post.
I am, overall, a very happy person. I have realized that, while that is the case most of the time, there are other times where my happiness wanes. During those times, I am aware that my thoughts are different … they are less positive and they are quite clearly impacting my emotion (I feel ‘blue’) and my behaviour.
I speak to audiences every day and share the latest research on happiness and well-being. In fact, the new term in Positive Psychology is ‘flourishing’…isn’t that a wonderful word! So what, I wonder, does a flourishing human being think, feel and do?
I am attracted to, and my audiences appreciate, quick little strategies and tools to shift energy when the ‘blues’ arrive. I’d like to share a few of them with you today.
One great resource I discovered (actually, a wonderful colleague introduced me to this; thank you, Jennifer) is
The Happiness Institute’s Daily Happiness Checklist. You can print this off and keep it close to your desk and quickly review it each day. You’ll definitely notice a shift in your energy.
Another quick resource is to begin a gratitude journal. Each day – record two or three things for which you are grateful. At first, you might find that the items you record are huge, significant items…like the love of your children, your mothers wise words, etc. After awhile you will find yourself including other things …like fresh, crisp air and dental floss. The idea is – and it seems to have sort of magical results – when you focus on what you are grateful for, you magnify the positivity of that item (and you engage the positive emotion of gratitude). Another strategy that I use regularly with groups is to shift negative, unhelpful thoughts to more positive, helpful ones. It sound so simple, and yet results in a shift in energy (from the blues to something warmer…maybe orange!) that can propel you to make different, more productive choices.
Recently, Barbara Ehrenreich has received a lot of press around her book ‘Bright-Sided’ which seems to blame positive thinking for enabling people to avoid confronting serious problems in the workplace, the economy, or in their lives. Ms. Ehrenreich certainly has a point in that none of us is served well if we stick our head in the sand, sing ‘Kum Ba Ya’, and wish that all bad things disappear. We need to be cognizant of what is really happening around us. However, too much focus on problems – in my experience – just creates more (magnifies) problems.
Consider my friend Jane who is dying of cancer. Jane knows the reality – she is dying – and she knows that she has a choice around how she will spend her remaining days with her family. It can only serve Jane well to decide – to choose – to be positive. To think positively about what is possible during her shortened life and to send that energy out to everyone else around her. I mean, what are her options…to spend the short time she has with her loved ones consumed with negativity and sorrow? I cannot fathom any purpose served by Jane staying engaged in negative emotion – no purpose for her and certainly none for her loved ones. Jane is not in denial – she is in choice.
One last strategy I would like to share is one that I use regularly…I love it’s simplicity and effectiveness. Whenever you find yourself in a situation that is not ideal, decide to A.C.T.: Accept your current reality (for Jane, she would say ‘I accept that I am dying’), then Choose a vision of what you would like in this situation (Jane might say ‘I choose to enjoy every moment with my family and to create more lasting, fond memories’), then Take action to achieve the vision. Jane can:
- think positive thoughts about herself
- think positive thoughts about the people around her
- decide to connect with her family whenever she can
- ask lots of questions of others to shift focus away from her illness and toward the myriad of activities that others are involved with
- end each day with a gratitude journal
Each of these actions will help move Jane TOWARD her vision (what she wants) so she is not using her energy moving AWAY from what she does not want (the reality of her situation).
I believe you can be both realistic AND hopeful! As I left my visit with Jane a few days ago, she smiled to me at the door and said ‘you never know, Deri…I might just be a medical miracle’. And, I agree, you never know – so why not think (feel and do) like it’s possible. I’d call that flourishing!
What do you think?
Move INTO A NEW GROOVE in 2010!
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009This is the time of year when many of us are thinking about the new year ahead of us. It is a common practice to begin thinking about resolutions for the new year. Of course, we all know the humour around New Year’s Resolutions…they often aren’t very long-lived (i.e. resolve on January 1, break the resolution on January 3!!) Like all good intentions, new year’s resolutions are just that…good intentions. They need some work in order for them to become reality!
There are some other resources you can use to help you focus on what you want as you look ahead. One is called The Coaching Game . I learned about (and purchased) this great resource while attending the First World Congress on Positive Psychology this summer. The game allow you to ask yourself questions, and then uses pictures, words, and stories to help you self-discover.
Another amazing resource that I have used with clients for many years is an Outcome Specification Exercise. This set of questions allow you to identify – at a sensory level – what it is that you want and how you will know when you have it. It is a modification of an exercise I learned when I became certified as a Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner. Ask yourself these questions to specify your outcome.
1) What specifically do you want?
Make sure this is stated positively. For example, rather than saying “I want to lose 20 pounds’, says something like ‘I want to be healthy’.
2) How will you know that you have reached your outcome?
Identify exactly how you will know that you have what you want. Identify what you will see, hear and feel, that will indicate to you that you have what you want.
3) How would an observer be able to detect that you have what you want?
Think about others around you…how would they be able to know that you have reached your outcome? What will they see; what will they hear?
4) What will having this outcome do for you?
Identify all of the benefits of having your outcome.
5) What stops you from having it now?
Keep asking yourself this question ‘what else stops you?’ until you have no more responses.
6) What are you willing to do in order to get your outcome?
This will help you to begin to develop the necessary action steps required to achieve your outcome…including different ways of thinking, feeling and behaving.
7) What are you willing to stop doing (something you have been doing that has been preventing you for getting your outcome) in order to get your outcome?
This last question can be very illuminating! Sometimes we get in our own way!
Try one of these strategies – or another one – and let me know how it goes!
In the mean time…best wishes for a GROOVY new year!!
What is NLP?
Wednesday, November 11th, 2009I am often asked ‘what is NLP?’ I became a certified practitioner of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) in 1991. After a brief exposure to it through a colleague, I instantly recognized how NLP could be useful to me – in my work and in my life.
NLP is an approach to positive personal change. It provides a set of tools to help deal with unhelpful patterns of thought and behaviour, while simulatenously introducing new, helpful patterns. NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) was created by Dr. Richard Bandler and Dr. John Grinder in the early 1970’s. As the name suggests, NLP is about the relationship between the brain (neuro), verbal and non-verbal language used to communicate (linguistic), and the unique way they come together to create behaviour (programming).
You have some personal programs that work for you; and others that work against you. NLP allows you to keep the ones that work for you and change those that do not. The key, of course, is in being able to identify the program…NLP is about increasing your self-awareness, and then taking control of your thinking.
One enlightening NLP exercise has to do with recognizing and shaking limiting beliefs. A limiting belief generally begins with one of the following:
‘I can’t… ’
EXAMPLE: ‘I can’t speak in public.’
‘People should…’
EXAMPLE: ‘People should be friendlier.’
‘Everyone thinks…’
EXAMPLE: ‘Everyone thinks communication in this company is poor.’
‘People never…’
EXAMPLE: ‘People never listen to me.’
Whenever you hear yourself making one of these statements, try this strategy.
Step 1: Challenge the belief: Where does this belief come from? Is this belief still valid? What evidence do I have to support this belief? What evidence suggests the belief is untrue?
Step 2: Find an alternative belief: Consider many possibilities. Try on new beliefs that are more positive and choose the best one for you.
Step 3: Integrate the new belief: Imagine how things will be different with the new belief and consider how you will feel about this change. imagine yourself doing going through your life, interacting with others, with the new belief. How do you feel? Is this motivating for you?
Even though the name is long and looks complicated, the strategies of NLP are quite easy and straightforward. The key is repetition and attention. In the strategy above, if the belief is well ingrained in your thinking (if you have held the belief for a long time or if it is associated with a significant experience or memory), you may need to repeat the process about several times before you can fully integrate the new belief. Then, attend to the new results in your thinking, feeling and behaviour.
Do you have a belief that is getting in your way? Send your story after you try the strategy above. What new results are true for you?
Spirit Week…Every Week!
Thursday, October 8th, 2009I read an article this week…from one of my internet Google Alerts. It was one of those articles that struck me – instantly. It was by Kim Smith and it was titled Sometimes we could all use a little spirit week. Kim shared her findings from asking her daughter about her favourite part of spirit week. You know what that is if you have children. If you don’t have children, spriit week is a time (a week, actually) when schools engage in activities to infuse energy into the classroon…with friendly competition between classrooms and amongst the student-body as a whole. Even my son, in middle school, has been heavily involved in collecting pennies ’so we can be the best classroom in the school!’
Kim’s daughter replied that the best part of spirit week was that all of the social rules disappeared and everyone was equal and everyone was focused on having fun. ‘It doesn’t matter if I am in the band or I am a jock”, she said. ‘Nobody cares about my clothes or anything.” Kim’s daughter related that spirit week was about the team…doing what was best for the whole, and not worrying about individual, petty, differences.
I thought about that…and how true that was relative to my own children’s experience of spirit week. Everyone is smiling, everyone is engaged, and everyone works together! No one is left out and no ‘normal’ classes (the ‘populars’, the ‘nerds’, the ‘jocks’, etc.) exist. We are just here, together, working together to achieve a common goal. Not a bad formula for success in any organization, I think!!
While thinking about writing this post, my daughter came home from school (her first year in a new high school) and said ’Mom, I am so proud of myself! I said “hi” to some people I don’t know really well … and they said “hi” back. It was cool!’
So … next week, after you return from a weekend of thanksgiving celebrations with family, think about what you can do to make every week ’spirit week’ at your workplace. Really…it doesn’t take much! A smile, a ‘great to see you’, an engaged look in the eye…that’s it!
Let me know how it goes…and I’ll do the same!
