There’s nothing like a great glass of red wine. Recently I tried a new Austalian Shiraz (my favourite) called “A Shot in the Dark”. Here is what was written on the bottle:
Life has its ups and downs. It can be both brutal and beautiful. You can hole yourself away to avoid life’s pain, but then the beauty seldom finds it’s way in. It’s only when you attempt to go where you cannot go, or do what you cannot do, that you can achieve what you are truly capable of doing. Sure, you might tumble, you might fall. So what? Take a chance. Go way out on the limb. Dare to try – even if it’s just a shot in the dark.
This resonated with me because it has played out regularly in my life. When I take a risk, I achieve greater rewards (joy, fulfillment … and accomplishment). A shot in the dark is more exciting than a sure thing. There is power in the element of surprise and in venturing into the unknown. The emotions connected to a shot in the dark are exhilarating and awaken me to noticing what I might not otherwise notice -within me and around me.
Although I am a huge risk-taker in my work, I am the exact opposite when it comes to amusement parks and the rides therein. On a family trip to Disney World, I decided to take a ’shot in the dark’. I did not want to miss out on actually ‘living this’ experience with my children. I was not sure what would happen. I had to prepare myself for the potential embarassment of losing control of all my bodily functions, or worse! I did not want to do it! I was SCARED! It seemed so easy to just watch from the sidelines, as I had many times before when we attended the Red River Exhibition here in Winnipeg.
Afraid and unsure, I went for it! At the end of my first ride, I felt exhilarated and re-born. I could hardly contain myself. I was both proud and amazed at myself for having done it!
Of course, I am not suggesting that a blind shot in the dark is always a good idea…I am, however, encouraging you to consider that calculated, intelligent risk taking is one way to open yourself up to brand new experiences. Take a shot!
So, when have you taken a shot in the dark?
Archive for the ‘Engagement’ Category
Shot in the Dark
Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010Feeling ‘Blue’?
Wednesday, January 27th, 2010Often, at this time of year, I – and others I know – feel a little ‘blue’. It’s cold outside (at least it is here in many parts of Canada), the holiday madness is over, and another year of goal setting and action planning is upon us. This ‘blue’ feeling is what has inspired me to write this post.
I am, overall, a very happy person. I have realized that, while that is the case most of the time, there are other times where my happiness wanes. During those times, I am aware that my thoughts are different … they are less positive and they are quite clearly impacting my emotion (I feel ‘blue’) and my behaviour.
I speak to audiences every day and share the latest research on happiness and well-being. In fact, the new term in Positive Psychology is ‘flourishing’…isn’t that a wonderful word! So what, I wonder, does a flourishing human being think, feel and do?
I am attracted to, and my audiences appreciate, quick little strategies and tools to shift energy when the ‘blues’ arrive. I’d like to share a few of them with you today.
One great resource I discovered (actually, a wonderful colleague introduced me to this; thank you, Jennifer) is
The Happiness Institute’s Daily Happiness Checklist. You can print this off and keep it close to your desk and quickly review it each day. You’ll definitely notice a shift in your energy.
Another quick resource is to begin a gratitude journal. Each day – record two or three things for which you are grateful. At first, you might find that the items you record are huge, significant items…like the love of your children, your mothers wise words, etc. After awhile you will find yourself including other things …like fresh, crisp air and dental floss. The idea is – and it seems to have sort of magical results – when you focus on what you are grateful for, you magnify the positivity of that item (and you engage the positive emotion of gratitude). Another strategy that I use regularly with groups is to shift negative, unhelpful thoughts to more positive, helpful ones. It sound so simple, and yet results in a shift in energy (from the blues to something warmer…maybe orange!) that can propel you to make different, more productive choices.
Recently, Barbara Ehrenreich has received a lot of press around her book ‘Bright-Sided’ which seems to blame positive thinking for enabling people to avoid confronting serious problems in the workplace, the economy, or in their lives. Ms. Ehrenreich certainly has a point in that none of us is served well if we stick our head in the sand, sing ‘Kum Ba Ya’, and wish that all bad things disappear. We need to be cognizant of what is really happening around us. However, too much focus on problems – in my experience – just creates more (magnifies) problems.
Consider my friend Jane who is dying of cancer. Jane knows the reality – she is dying – and she knows that she has a choice around how she will spend her remaining days with her family. It can only serve Jane well to decide – to choose – to be positive. To think positively about what is possible during her shortened life and to send that energy out to everyone else around her. I mean, what are her options…to spend the short time she has with her loved ones consumed with negativity and sorrow? I cannot fathom any purpose served by Jane staying engaged in negative emotion – no purpose for her and certainly none for her loved ones. Jane is not in denial – she is in choice.
One last strategy I would like to share is one that I use regularly…I love it’s simplicity and effectiveness. Whenever you find yourself in a situation that is not ideal, decide to A.C.T.: Accept your current reality (for Jane, she would say ‘I accept that I am dying’), then Choose a vision of what you would like in this situation (Jane might say ‘I choose to enjoy every moment with my family and to create more lasting, fond memories’), then Take action to achieve the vision. Jane can:
- think positive thoughts about herself
- think positive thoughts about the people around her
- decide to connect with her family whenever she can
- ask lots of questions of others to shift focus away from her illness and toward the myriad of activities that others are involved with
- end each day with a gratitude journal
Each of these actions will help move Jane TOWARD her vision (what she wants) so she is not using her energy moving AWAY from what she does not want (the reality of her situation).
I believe you can be both realistic AND hopeful! As I left my visit with Jane a few days ago, she smiled to me at the door and said ‘you never know, Deri…I might just be a medical miracle’. And, I agree, you never know – so why not think (feel and do) like it’s possible. I’d call that flourishing!
What do you think?
Spirit Week…Every Week!
Thursday, October 8th, 2009I read an article this week…from one of my internet Google Alerts. It was one of those articles that struck me – instantly. It was by Kim Smith and it was titled Sometimes we could all use a little spirit week. Kim shared her findings from asking her daughter about her favourite part of spirit week. You know what that is if you have children. If you don’t have children, spriit week is a time (a week, actually) when schools engage in activities to infuse energy into the classroon…with friendly competition between classrooms and amongst the student-body as a whole. Even my son, in middle school, has been heavily involved in collecting pennies ’so we can be the best classroom in the school!’
Kim’s daughter replied that the best part of spirit week was that all of the social rules disappeared and everyone was equal and everyone was focused on having fun. ‘It doesn’t matter if I am in the band or I am a jock”, she said. ‘Nobody cares about my clothes or anything.” Kim’s daughter related that spirit week was about the team…doing what was best for the whole, and not worrying about individual, petty, differences.
I thought about that…and how true that was relative to my own children’s experience of spirit week. Everyone is smiling, everyone is engaged, and everyone works together! No one is left out and no ‘normal’ classes (the ‘populars’, the ‘nerds’, the ‘jocks’, etc.) exist. We are just here, together, working together to achieve a common goal. Not a bad formula for success in any organization, I think!!
While thinking about writing this post, my daughter came home from school (her first year in a new high school) and said ’Mom, I am so proud of myself! I said “hi” to some people I don’t know really well … and they said “hi” back. It was cool!’
So … next week, after you return from a weekend of thanksgiving celebrations with family, think about what you can do to make every week ’spirit week’ at your workplace. Really…it doesn’t take much! A smile, a ‘great to see you’, an engaged look in the eye…that’s it!
Let me know how it goes…and I’ll do the same!
Appreciative Inquiry “at Work”
Tuesday, September 8th, 2009If you have not already heard of Appreciative Inquiry, check out AI Commons and learn a bit about AI and it’s founder David Cooperrider. I first became acquainted with AI from a colleague; that inspired me to attend the AI Conference in Orlando Florida in 2008. Since then, I use the principles of AI regularly in the work I do with organizations. This summer, I took extensive training with Jane Magruder Watkins and Maureen McKenna on using the theory of AI in practice.
Here’s a quick peek at the principles of AI:
- organizations (and the humans within) grow in the direction of their most frequent inquiries; when we appreciate what is best about ourselves and each other, and ask questions about that, we get more of what’s best
- we learn about and create more success by asking ‘what is the root cause of success?’ (as opposed to creating more failure by asking ‘what is the root cause of our failure?’
- we get higher performance by focusing on our strengths, rather than ‘fixing’ our weaknesses (inquiring about weaknesses begets more weaknesses)
- our inquiries are fateful…the questions we ask set the stage for what we find; instead of asking ‘what is stopping us from being successful?, we need to ask ‘what is contributing to our success?’
- our perceptions determine reality (not the other way around)
- we socially contruct our organizations (and families, and world); our interactions are the source for what is true for us; so AI requires that the entire system (organization, family) participate in the process
- we create what we imagine…we will notice what we anticipate, positive or negative, so anticipating a positive image of ourselves, each other, and our organizations, helps us to create that reality
- the phases of AI are Discovery (inquiring about what’s right, what our strengths are, what is occurring when we are at our best); Dream (imagining our organization as we desire it in the future); Design (identifying the elements that will construct the dream organization); and Destiny (realizing our destiny, as we have constructed it)
There is much evidence that what we think about affects our actions which in turn determine our reality. Most of us would agree with this idea. Now we have the practice of Appreciative Inquiry which provides us with a process that works!
The Positive Psychology of “Meaning”
Thursday, April 30th, 2009I dragged my butt over to the school to set up for Staff Appreciation Week. ‘How come it’s always the same people who volunteer for these things?’ I muttered to myself, a bit resentfully. My children’s school has over 600 students, and yet it appears that it is the same small group of parents volunteering for most school events. At times, when my life is crazy busy and I am leaving my family ONCE AGAIN to head out to volunteer, I wonder what I am doing spending MY time to serve the needs of others.
Then, I walk in the front door of school. It’s early in the morning, and the hallways are already ‘abuzz’ with kids and teachers getting ready to begin their day. The first person I see is our Principal. ‘Good Morning’ she says. ‘Good Morning to you’ I say back. She is dressed in a fabulous red leather blazer and looks refreshed and cheerful. I realize how much I appreciate her; not, of course, for how she dresses, but for the kind of engaged and energized person that she is.
‘Thanks for all the treats’ she says. I smile and say something like ‘you are so welcome; you deserve to be treated’. I can’t help but smile inside and out as she genuinely smiles at me in that moment.
I head into the staff room. There are a few staff members assembled and I greet them as I head to our ‘treat table’ (a table of cookies, cakes, cupcakes, candies, squares, and other yummy things baked by caring parents). ‘Good morning’ I say to them as I pass. ‘Good morning’ they respond, and add ‘thank you so much for all the great treats, we really appreciate them’. ‘You are so welcome’ I say; feeling it even more than the last time, when I said it to the Principal.
I continue preparing the table of treats; I see a number of teachers coming in to fill a plate with some treats to take back to their class. ‘Thank you’ is a regular comment in my direction. ‘You are welcome’ is my response. Each ‘thank you’ elevates my energy. Each ‘you’re welcome’ from me elevates my energy also. ’What is happening?’ I wonder. I feel really energized!
I returned to the school a couple of more times that day; to clean crumbs off the ‘treat table’ and to re-stock it to look inviting to school staff. Each time I returned, I was bombarded with appreciation from the staff (who, we were appreciating with all the treats!) I suddenly realized…it is a “gift” to volunteer.
Martin Seligman, the ‘father’ of Positive Psychology, speaks and writes about the connection between happiness and meaning; doing things that are not about self-interest but about the greater good. I think that’s what happened during Staff Appreciation Week for me. I certainly had considered this reality as I learned about, and became certified in, Emotional Intelligence ; yet there was nothing that could match the power of a ‘real’ experience.
So, the next time you find yourself muttering and wondering why you are doing something (that you know is good for others, yet you are feeling personally drained and maybe even a little self-centred); pay attention! I’ll bet you will discover that the biggest payoff to volunteering is to the payoff to YOU.
“Meaning” is indeed a personal experience…and the best way to experience “meaning” is not in serving yourself, but in serving others. I think that is a paradox “in” action!!
What do you think?
