There’s nothing like a great glass of red wine. Recently I tried a new Austalian Shiraz (my favourite) called “A Shot in the Dark”. Here is what was written on the bottle:
Life has its ups and downs. It can be both brutal and beautiful. You can hole yourself away to avoid life’s pain, but then the beauty seldom finds it’s way in. It’s only when you attempt to go where you cannot go, or do what you cannot do, that you can achieve what you are truly capable of doing. Sure, you might tumble, you might fall. So what? Take a chance. Go way out on the limb. Dare to try – even if it’s just a shot in the dark.
This resonated with me because it has played out regularly in my life. When I take a risk, I achieve greater rewards (joy, fulfillment … and accomplishment). A shot in the dark is more exciting than a sure thing. There is power in the element of surprise and in venturing into the unknown. The emotions connected to a shot in the dark are exhilarating and awaken me to noticing what I might not otherwise notice -within me and around me.
Although I am a huge risk-taker in my work, I am the exact opposite when it comes to amusement parks and the rides therein. On a family trip to Disney World, I decided to take a ’shot in the dark’. I did not want to miss out on actually ‘living this’ experience with my children. I was not sure what would happen. I had to prepare myself for the potential embarassment of losing control of all my bodily functions, or worse! I did not want to do it! I was SCARED! It seemed so easy to just watch from the sidelines, as I had many times before when we attended the Red River Exhibition here in Winnipeg.
Afraid and unsure, I went for it! At the end of my first ride, I felt exhilarated and re-born. I could hardly contain myself. I was both proud and amazed at myself for having done it!
Of course, I am not suggesting that a blind shot in the dark is always a good idea…I am, however, encouraging you to consider that calculated, intelligent risk taking is one way to open yourself up to brand new experiences. Take a shot!
So, when have you taken a shot in the dark?
Archive for the ‘Change’ Category
Shot in the Dark
Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010Move INTO A NEW GROOVE in 2010!
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009This is the time of year when many of us are thinking about the new year ahead of us. It is a common practice to begin thinking about resolutions for the new year. Of course, we all know the humour around New Year’s Resolutions…they often aren’t very long-lived (i.e. resolve on January 1, break the resolution on January 3!!) Like all good intentions, new year’s resolutions are just that…good intentions. They need some work in order for them to become reality!
There are some other resources you can use to help you focus on what you want as you look ahead. One is called The Coaching Game . I learned about (and purchased) this great resource while attending the First World Congress on Positive Psychology this summer. The game allow you to ask yourself questions, and then uses pictures, words, and stories to help you self-discover.
Another amazing resource that I have used with clients for many years is an Outcome Specification Exercise. This set of questions allow you to identify – at a sensory level – what it is that you want and how you will know when you have it. It is a modification of an exercise I learned when I became certified as a Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner. Ask yourself these questions to specify your outcome.
1) What specifically do you want?
Make sure this is stated positively. For example, rather than saying “I want to lose 20 pounds’, says something like ‘I want to be healthy’.
2) How will you know that you have reached your outcome?
Identify exactly how you will know that you have what you want. Identify what you will see, hear and feel, that will indicate to you that you have what you want.
3) How would an observer be able to detect that you have what you want?
Think about others around you…how would they be able to know that you have reached your outcome? What will they see; what will they hear?
4) What will having this outcome do for you?
Identify all of the benefits of having your outcome.
5) What stops you from having it now?
Keep asking yourself this question ‘what else stops you?’ until you have no more responses.
6) What are you willing to do in order to get your outcome?
This will help you to begin to develop the necessary action steps required to achieve your outcome…including different ways of thinking, feeling and behaving.
7) What are you willing to stop doing (something you have been doing that has been preventing you for getting your outcome) in order to get your outcome?
This last question can be very illuminating! Sometimes we get in our own way!
Try one of these strategies – or another one – and let me know how it goes!
In the mean time…best wishes for a GROOVY new year!!
What is NLP?
Wednesday, November 11th, 2009I am often asked ‘what is NLP?’ I became a certified practitioner of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) in 1991. After a brief exposure to it through a colleague, I instantly recognized how NLP could be useful to me – in my work and in my life.
NLP is an approach to positive personal change. It provides a set of tools to help deal with unhelpful patterns of thought and behaviour, while simulatenously introducing new, helpful patterns. NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) was created by Dr. Richard Bandler and Dr. John Grinder in the early 1970’s. As the name suggests, NLP is about the relationship between the brain (neuro), verbal and non-verbal language used to communicate (linguistic), and the unique way they come together to create behaviour (programming).
You have some personal programs that work for you; and others that work against you. NLP allows you to keep the ones that work for you and change those that do not. The key, of course, is in being able to identify the program…NLP is about increasing your self-awareness, and then taking control of your thinking.
One enlightening NLP exercise has to do with recognizing and shaking limiting beliefs. A limiting belief generally begins with one of the following:
‘I can’t… ’
EXAMPLE: ‘I can’t speak in public.’
‘People should…’
EXAMPLE: ‘People should be friendlier.’
‘Everyone thinks…’
EXAMPLE: ‘Everyone thinks communication in this company is poor.’
‘People never…’
EXAMPLE: ‘People never listen to me.’
Whenever you hear yourself making one of these statements, try this strategy.
Step 1: Challenge the belief: Where does this belief come from? Is this belief still valid? What evidence do I have to support this belief? What evidence suggests the belief is untrue?
Step 2: Find an alternative belief: Consider many possibilities. Try on new beliefs that are more positive and choose the best one for you.
Step 3: Integrate the new belief: Imagine how things will be different with the new belief and consider how you will feel about this change. imagine yourself doing going through your life, interacting with others, with the new belief. How do you feel? Is this motivating for you?
Even though the name is long and looks complicated, the strategies of NLP are quite easy and straightforward. The key is repetition and attention. In the strategy above, if the belief is well ingrained in your thinking (if you have held the belief for a long time or if it is associated with a significant experience or memory), you may need to repeat the process about several times before you can fully integrate the new belief. Then, attend to the new results in your thinking, feeling and behaviour.
Do you have a belief that is getting in your way? Send your story after you try the strategy above. What new results are true for you?
Appreciative Inquiry “at Work”
Tuesday, September 8th, 2009If you have not already heard of Appreciative Inquiry, check out AI Commons and learn a bit about AI and it’s founder David Cooperrider. I first became acquainted with AI from a colleague; that inspired me to attend the AI Conference in Orlando Florida in 2008. Since then, I use the principles of AI regularly in the work I do with organizations. This summer, I took extensive training with Jane Magruder Watkins and Maureen McKenna on using the theory of AI in practice.
Here’s a quick peek at the principles of AI:
- organizations (and the humans within) grow in the direction of their most frequent inquiries; when we appreciate what is best about ourselves and each other, and ask questions about that, we get more of what’s best
- we learn about and create more success by asking ‘what is the root cause of success?’ (as opposed to creating more failure by asking ‘what is the root cause of our failure?’
- we get higher performance by focusing on our strengths, rather than ‘fixing’ our weaknesses (inquiring about weaknesses begets more weaknesses)
- our inquiries are fateful…the questions we ask set the stage for what we find; instead of asking ‘what is stopping us from being successful?, we need to ask ‘what is contributing to our success?’
- our perceptions determine reality (not the other way around)
- we socially contruct our organizations (and families, and world); our interactions are the source for what is true for us; so AI requires that the entire system (organization, family) participate in the process
- we create what we imagine…we will notice what we anticipate, positive or negative, so anticipating a positive image of ourselves, each other, and our organizations, helps us to create that reality
- the phases of AI are Discovery (inquiring about what’s right, what our strengths are, what is occurring when we are at our best); Dream (imagining our organization as we desire it in the future); Design (identifying the elements that will construct the dream organization); and Destiny (realizing our destiny, as we have constructed it)
There is much evidence that what we think about affects our actions which in turn determine our reality. Most of us would agree with this idea. Now we have the practice of Appreciative Inquiry which provides us with a process that works!
Positive Psychology in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Friday, July 17th, 2009I recently returned from The First World Congress on Positive Psychology in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. In keeping with the P theme - one word encapsulates my experience there: Powerful! What follows is a summary of a few of my key take-aways from the Congress.
Ed Diener spoke on ‘New Findings on Happiness’: there is a difference between wanting and liking…happiness is impacted most when we learn to WANT what we LIKE. You might WANT the high-paying executive job, but not LIKE the work that comes with that job. If you LIKE the outdoors, learn to WANT or desire finding work that helps you do what you LIKE. He also shared some findings about the latest Positive Psychology research, like the study you might have read that said married people are happier. Diener said the newest research is showing – not so much that married people are happier – but that happier people tend to be married! Interesting…
Giovanni Fava, from Italy, spoke on ’Well-Being Therapy’: he shared a powerful example of how people can identify and modify dysfuctional beliefs (or thoughts) to positively affect their well-being. For example, if you keep a journal of your internal dialogue throughout the day and you notice a thought like ‘I can’t do this’, you can immediately decide to change the thought to ‘I can do the best I can and see what happens’. They key is to identify the dysfuctional thought and then consider a modification of that thought, and notice what happens in terms of how you feel. One way to modify the internal dialogue is to write down what an ‘external observer’ might say about the situation that is causing you difficulty; record an alternative interpretation…then notice what might shift for you.
Michael Frese, from Germany, discussed positive psychology at work – his research confirms that people do best at work when they are active; being able to set goals and take personal initiative positively affect achievement at work. There is a “clear and strong correlation between personal initiative (which engages and ignites positive emotion) and performance”.
Raymond Fowler discussed positive health and positive aging in his session “how to die young as late as possible”. He made a compelling argument to support the point that when you die is a matter of choice – or a series of choices (eating, exercising, all the stuff we all know). Positive emotion is critical in a long life; happier people are healthier (fewer bad habits, better nutrition, take better care of themselves).
Barbara Fredrickson discussed Positivity – the Pathway to Flourishing. She shared her “positivity prescription” on 3 to 1 to reinforce that you need the levity of positivity to counterweight the gravity of negativity. Fredrickson shared her ‘Broaden and Build’ theory of positive emotion; when you experience and express positive emotion, you live longer. It’s not enough just to ‘be positive’, the positive emotion must be genuine and heartfelt. To create a mindset of positivity. be:
- open
- appreciative
- curious
- kind
- real (authentic)…sincerity counts!
Visit Fredrickson’s website for free resources.
David Cooperrider was a true highlight at the conference. He completely captivated the audience with his hopeful message on ‘The Discovery and Design of Positive Institutions’. Mr. Cooperrider, generous in nature, makes his slides from the conference available at aicommons@case.edu. The message from Appreciative Inquiry is ‘change at the scale of the whole’. Ai involves a shift to see the world anew. Mr. Cooperrider shared with us a foundation of AI; that the question we ask determines what we find. If we look for deficits (what’s wrong here?) we find more deficits; if we look for possibilities (what’s right here?) we find more possibility. Most organizations look for what’s wrong and let strengths take care of themselves. AI encourages us to focus on strengths and the weaknesses will take care of themselves. The approach is 1) appreciate the best of what is, imagine what might be, design what could be and create what will be. The key is in the inquiry…the inquiry must be the change we wish to see in the world (not the one we want to avoid or to eliminate).
The conference ended with some words from Chris Peterson that encouraged us to look in the mirror as we are the future, and Martin Seligman, renouned as the father of Positive Psychology, who introduced a new term, ‘Positive Neuroscience’. I, for one, am looking forward to hearing more about that in the future. What about you?
