Leadership

Get Groovy!

April 10, 2013 By Deri Latimer 4 Comments

‘It’s easy for you to be happy at work – you have a great job!” Jerry meant what he said. Somehow happiness was out of his reach, he believed. And, he seemed to think, the kind of job you have is related to your happiness potential.

A month ago, I started really focusing on people who are happy at work. Everywhere I go, I pay attention to who is around me. And, I am documenting those who appear to be happy in their workplace. Here you can see the shining face of Suk-Kea Lim from the Greenwood Inn in Winnipeg, Manitoba. One look at her beautiful smile and you know that Suk-Kea is a happy person. Well, guess what her ‘job’ is? Certainly not a glamorous one by most standards, but one Suk-Kea does extremely well, with great care, and with a fantastic attitude.

So, what’s the difference between Suk-Kea and Jerry? How can Jerry – and any of us, for that matter – achieve happiness at work?

We can begin by believing that it is possible. In fact, we can begin by believing it IS (a fact, a truth, ‘reality’). As long as Jerry believes that his reality is that he has the kind of job at which happiness is an illusion, he’ll continue to create that experience for himself. He’ll be oblivious to the opportunity for happiness that is present around him every day.

Check out this video of Sugathapala, who lives in Sri Lanka.

Now that is what I’d call a happy dude! Even though the job he is in now might not be the job he would have ideally chosen for himself, he is rockin’ it! And listen to him as he describes the choice he is making.

Interested in creating more happiness at work? It starts by changing your thoughts. It starts by moving out of your thinking ruts, and into a new thinking groove. Here are some examples:

Instead of thinking’ TGIF (thank god it’s Friday)’; think ‘TGIM (thank god it’s Monday)’.
Instead of thinking ‘Happy Hour begins at 5:00 p.m.’; think ‘Happy Hour begins at 9:00 a.m.’.
Instead of thinking ‘This job sucks’; think ‘I can look at this job in a whole new way’.
Instead of thinking ‘My boss does not appreciate me, he gives me no feedback’; think ‘My boss trusts me to do a good job’.
Instead of thinking ‘When I get a new job, then I will be happy’; think ‘When I am happy, I will likely get a new job’.
Instead of thinking ‘I cannot wait to retire’; think ‘I am grateful for this day’.

Embrace today, be mindful, shake things up, and change your thoughts to change your results. You do indeed get what you expect, and you grow that to which you attend.

According to Ellen Langer, a Harvard Psychology Professor, “Wherever you put the mind, the body will follow”. “It is not our physical state that limits us,” she explains—”it is our mindset about our own limits, our perceptions, that draws the lines in the sand.”

Why can’t workplaces be filled with positive, happy, productive, groovy people?

Why can’t we, as Langer suggests, notice new things, relinquish preconceived mindsets (ruts), and then act on the new observations (grooves)?

I’d love you to join the Groove Community by sharing photos (of you, of your team at work) and stories of how you stay happy (and mindful) at work. Email me at deri@derilatimer.com and look for your story on the Groove Community page (coming soon).

Deri Latimer is an expert in re-energizing the workplace! She is one of fewer than 10% of speakers globally who hold the designation of CSP (Certified Speaking Professional). Deri combines a business degree with experience in government, health care, manufacturing, education, mining, transportation, agriculture, tourism, and the professional services sectors. Deri impacts individuals and organizations by offering practical strategies to move from overwhelmed to resilient, from absence to presence, from stuck to productive, and from exhausted to energized!

A film by Mike Worsman.

Video from KarmaTube

Filed Under: Engagement, Happiness, Leadership, Mental Health, Positive Psychology, Positive Workplace Culture, Resilience Tagged With: Emotions, Engagement, habits, Happiness, Mental Health, neuroscience, positive psychology, resilience, Work

Are You Sociable?

January 29, 2013 By Deri Latimer 8 Comments

I admire my daughter. She is a lovely person – who loves people…she is, what I would call, sociable. She is also one of the happiest people I know. I believe she is the truly flourishing.

I am continually curious about what contributes to human flourishing. I’ve certainly read extensively on the topic, and have noted some commonalities. The most notable, and likely first source for me, was Martin Seligman, who developed the PERMA Model. PERMA stands for the five essential elements that contribute to the experience of lasting well-being: Positive Emotion, Engagement, Positive Relationships, Meaning, and Achievement or Accomplishment. We can all likely agree that each of these contribute to overall well being and happiness.

It wasn’t until I looked closely at C. L. Keyes’s 13 Dimensions of Flourishing that I realized just how much being sociable matters to well-being, flourishing, and overall happiness. Read over the list below. At least half of the items are directly linked to being sociable, and the rest are dependent on social factors. As you peruse the list, think about how they relate to you.

Keyes’s dimensions are:

1. Regular Affect–appears regularly cheerful, interested in life, in good spirits, happy, calm and peaceful

2. Avowed Quality of Life–expresses high satisfaction with life

3. Self-Acceptance–holds positive attitude toward onself

4. Social Acceptance–holds positive attitudes toward others

5. Personal Growth-shows insight into own potential and development

6. Social Actualization-believes groups can evolve positively

7. Purpose in Life–holds goals and beliefs that affirm a sense of direction and meaning in life

8. Social Contribution–feels that one’s life is useful to society

9. Environmental Mastery–can manage complex environments

10. Social Coherence–is interested in society or social life, believes they are intelligible and meaningful

11. Autonomy–exhibits self-direction, resists unsavory social pressures

12. Positive Relations with Others—has warm, satisfying, trusting personal relationships

13. Social Integration–enjoys a sense of belonging in a community, comfort and support from others

Each of these, as with Selgman’s PERMA Model are also very congruous with Emotional Intelligence. Reuven Bar-On’s Model includes 5 realms and 15 competencies…and likewise the competencies are highly ‘sociable’. They are Intrapersonal (emotional self-awareness, self-regard, assertiveness, self-actualization, independence), Interpersonal (empathy, interpersonal relationships, social responsibility), Adaptability (problem solving, flexibility, reality testing), Stress Management (stress tolerance, impulse control), and General Mood (optimism, happiness). If they don’t seem directly social, my experience with EI is that one’s awareness about personal competencies is highly dependent on attending to information from the social world (i.e. your first indication of how well you manage your emotions, is likely found on the expressions on the faces of others around you).

My daughter has taught me a lot about flourishing and well being. Even though she has personally experienced some tough times in the social realm of life (bullying and social exclusion), she has incredible resolve and belief in the power of social connection. I learn by watching and listening to her.

Who are the role models for you? What have you noticed about those individuals, and what lessons can you apply to your own life?

Here is a little experiment that you might be interested in pursuing. There are 13 items on the Keyes list. There are also 26 (2X13) bi-weekly periods in a year. Start at the top of the list. Focus on that one area for two weeks. During each two week period, tune in daily. Ask yourself how you are doing in that area, dig deep, and query about what you might be able to do to enhance that area in your life. Better yet, buddy up with someone and add a little sociability to the exercise! Then, after two weeks, move on to the next item.

I wonder how ‘well’ you’ll ‘be’ at this time next year. And, you know, I’d love to hear from you. Now, go…get sociable!

Deri Latimer, B Mgt, CSP, is an expert in positive possibilities for people! She is one of fewer than 10% of speakers globally who hold the designation of Certified Speaking Professional. Deri combines a Business degree in Human Resources with experience from business sectors including health care, manufacturing, education, agriculture, government, mining, transportation, tourism, and professional services. Deri provides practical strategies for mental health ‘at work’; impacting individuals and organizations to increase resilience to change, energize engagement with the organization, and propel meaningful performance results that last! www.derilatimer.com

Filed Under: Engagement, Happiness, Leadership, Mental Health, Positive Workplace Culture, Resilience, Uncategorized Tagged With: Emotions, Happiness, Mental Health, positive psychology, resilience

T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak

November 26, 2012 By Deri Latimer 4 Comments

Recently, a colleague – who I believe (or, at least, hope) had good intentions – said something to me that was meant to be some feedback to me. She did it in front of another person – someone that I barely know. It threw me off, I must say.

You’ve likely guessed that the feedback this person shared with me was not positive feedback. It was, instead, a bluntly delivered message about something that she thought I had said to which she took offense.

It reminded me that many people do not realize that there are some cardinal rules of giving and receiving feedback. I have blogged about feedback in the past, and this experience reminded me that it might be a good idea to revisit the topic.

Firstly, the most basic foundation of effective feedback – especially if it is less than flattering for the person receiving it, should be done only in private. I felt very uncomfortable hearing something that this person thought about me, in front of another person who had no context for hearing that message (and no relationship with me in which to evaluate the message). (In fact, I did not have a significant relationship with the person delivering the message either – which is a good segue to the next point.)

Secondly, feedback should only be shared if the giver asks permission of the receiver. That did not happen in my recent situation. Asking permission respects the receiver. Perhaps it is not a good time. Perhaps the receiver is feeling vulnerable for unrelated reasons, and the last thing he or she needs to hear is something negative.

Thirdly, before you even decide to deliver feedback to another human being, make sure you are clear on your purpose for delivering it. Your purpose might be that you care about the person and want to share something with them of which they might not be aware. Your purpose might also be that you have noticed that your relationship is being adversely affected, and you want to clear that out of the way. Another purpose might be that you are a leader who needs to share some feedback with a staff member to enable their effective development in the organization.

Many years ago, I developed an acronym for a client who asked me to provide a keynote for their leadership team on Effective Feedback. The Acronym I developed is P.O.I.S.E. I love it because it also reminds us to be ‘poised’ for respect in all of our communications with others.

It goes like this:

P: State your Purpose, ask Permission, and ensure you are in Private

O: Share your Observation of the other person’s behavior

I: Exchange Information. Share your interpretations, thoughts, and/or your feelings. Check in with the other person to confirm their intention.

S: Develop a Solution for moving forward in your relationship.

E: End on a positive note

It might go something like this:

P: “Hi Bob. I have something that I would like to share with you that is affecting my relationship with you. Is now a good time for you?” (Make sure you are in a private location, with a door that shuts.)
O: “Yesterday, in our staff meeting, you interrupted me twice during my presentation.”
I: “I thought it was because you do not value me as a professional, and I felt very disrespected.” ”Can you help me understand what was going on from your perspective?”
S: “So, from now on, you will hold your questions until the end of my presentation. And for really large projects, I will run them by you before the staff meeting in case you would like to clarify key elements ahead of time.”
E: “Thanks, Bob. This will certainly help to ensure we maintain a positive work environment, and keep being productive as a team. I appreciate your time.”

Remember that there is a difference between an observation and an interpretation. It is very important that, when you deliver feedback, you separate them. The observation is the other person’s behavior. It is objective. The interpretation is the meaning that YOU add to the behavior. It is subjective. You are entitled to your interpretation, and you can own it; the key is not to assume that your interpretation IS the observation. In the example above, the observation is “you interrupted me twice during my presentation“, and the interpretation is “you do not value/respect me“. The observation is concrete and observable, the interpretation is not – it is personal to the deliverer. Imagine how different it would sound if the deliverer above said “Bob, you are disrespectful.” That’s what it sounds like when someone is assuming that their interpretation of another person’s behavior is the objective part – “the truth”. And, that kind of feedback (and that kind of assumption of truth), generally causes great damage to the relationship.

P.O.I.S.E. is both simple, and effective. I was reminded of a similarly simple strategy, in Elisha Goldstein’s book The Now Effect. The acronym for this strategy is T.H.I.N.K. This is a great reminder to always T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak, whether giving feedback or not. So, next time you need to deliver feedback, or to speak to another person about just about anything, ask yourself:

Is it True?
Is it Helpful?
Is it Inspiring?
Is it Necessary?
Is it Kind?

I think this strategy, combined with some tips from P.O.I.S.E. would also help you avoid the uncomfortable, and often very damaging effects of ineffective communication.

Even though the feedback I received from this person was not in private, not provided with permission, and with an unclear (unstated) purpose, I am still happy that I heard it. I believe that I can always learn something from feedback – it does not mean that it is ‘true’, just that it is true for the person delivering it in that moment. And, as a professional who wants to respect others and be respected back, I honor people who share their truth with me.

Now imagine, if you chose to regularly T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak. Would you have more P.O.I.S.E.? Would your relationships be positively affected?

Filed Under: Human Resource Development, Leadership, Mental Health, Positive Workplace Culture Tagged With: Emotions, Leadership, Mental Health, perception, Positive Workplace Culture

Holding On and Letting Go

September 8, 2012 By Deri Latimer 2 Comments

I was a bit cranky this week. While it could be due to several things (hormones, late summer nights, preparing for a new school year, etc.) I wondered why I was feeling a little ‘edgey’.

My daughter started university a few days ago. She is – in addition to being smart, kind and beautiful - a very independent woman. Of course, I am happy about that. So why was I cranky, then?

At the end of her first day on campus, I was excitedly waiting at home for her to arrive and tell me all about her adventures. I was actually peering out the front window waiting for her to walk down the street. (I haven’t ‘peered’ out the window since she and my son were very small, and I was worried about traffic, bullies or other harmful forces in the universe.)

Time passed and she did not arrive. Instead, I got a text from her saying she was meeting friends and would be home later.

I realized that – while I was anticipating sharing in the experience of her first day, she wasn’t rushing home to tell me all her stories…she was rushing off to share those with friends.

Now, it’s not the first time I have realized I am not forefront in my children’s minds (nor do I even think it is healthy that I would be) – it just ended up being a really BIG time! And, I felt a bit ‘off’ for a time.

I realized it was because I was focusing on what I thought I was losing, and not on what I was gaining.

Just like the video below demonstrates, we all notice exactly what we are focusing on — and we also miss that which we are not focusing on.

Sometimes, as parents, we both want to be needed, and we want our children to be independent. It’s also true for leaders and our staff members.

What I realized is that we can have both. It’s not either/or, it’s ‘and’.

We can hold on to the realization that we have created the conditions around which our child (or staff member) can be independent, and we can let go of our old belief that people only need us when they depend on us.

That’s exactly what our purpose is…as parents and leaders…to create conditions for success. And a part of that is to both hold on and let go.

As you look at the next year in your life, what will you focus on? What will you hold on to…and what will you let go?

Filed Under: Change, Happiness, Leadership, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Positive Psychology, Resilience, Uncategorized Tagged With: Emotions, Engagement, Happiness, Leadership, perception, positive psychology, resilience

One-Buttock Living

July 23, 2012 By Deri Latimer 5 Comments

If you have not already seen Benjamin Zander speak, you have got to check him out. You’ll be smiling for days! I want to hang out with this dude!!

In the video below, Zander references playing with “one-buttock” on the piano. It’s a different way to play the piano, and the result (the music) is considerably transformed by the position of the perfomer’s body (i.e. one buttock or two). One-buttock playing also transforms the listener – it’s a different kind of experience of the piano player. When you live, work, and parent on one-buttock…YOU are different and those you interact with are transformed.

What if leaders, parents, teachers adopted the stance of one-buttock living? What might be the results? How might the teams, children, students be transformed?

How do you recognize one-buttock living? Well, you’ll notice a lot of ‘shining eyes’ around you. Starting, of course, with the eyes that look back at you every day when you look in the mirror. No leader, parent, or teacher can inspire shining eyes, when their own eyes do not shine.

Zander explains in the video that he believes that we all have the capacity to love classical music, to be moved by it. He does not doubt it. And, he goes on to say that all leaders can experience shining eyes when they have that same kind of absolute belief in their teams. “It’s one of the characteristics of a leader that he (she) not doubt for one moment the capacity of the people he’s (she’s) leading to realize whatever he’s (she’s) dreaming.”

What do you believe about your team, your children, your students? Do you believe completely in them and in what’s possible for them to achieve?

My experience has shown that a key to helping your own eyes ’shine’ is to have a practice of mindfulness. At the very least, mindfulness will allow you to be ‘present’ and to notice and appreciate the shining eyes around you. Check out the following video in which Congressman Tim Ryan and Jon Kabat-Zinn share some wise words about the power of mindfunlness.

Watch Mindfulness Going Mainstream on PBS. See more from Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly.

Deepak Chopra has set out to transform the world to become more mindful. Some might argue he’s been doing just that for many years. Now, he is on a mission to inspire a “critical mass” to create a more peaceful, joyful, sustainable, healthy world.

Zander challenges us by saying: ‘Ask yourself – who am I being that my children’s eyes are not shining?’. As leaders, parents and teachers, we can ask ourselves the same question.

Look around right now. How many shining eyes are around you?

Filed Under: Engagement, Happiness, Leadership, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Positive Psychology, Uncategorized Tagged With: Mindfulness

Mental Health ‘at Work’

May 7, 2012 By Deri Latimer 12 Comments

“I had to drop by work and put in a couple of hours on my way over.” That is what my friend said in explanation for her lateness arriving at a wedding shower we both attended. ”It’s Sunday” another friend said, “why are you working on the weekend?” ”I can’t get it all done during the week”, my tardy friend replied, “I work every weekend just to keep up with my regular workload.”

This may sound like a familiar conversation among your friends. More and more, people in workplaces everywhere are reporting that they are experiencing a constant state of ‘overwhelm’ and mental exhaustion.

We can’t talk about Mental Health without talking about our brains; and there is a lot of new information we are learning about that wonderful amazing machine which can help us all create more opportunities for positive Mental Health – individually and organizationally.

I have read some of the research, and in honour of Mental Health Week, I have assembled some key points into the following “Ten Tips for Practicing Positive Mental Health at Work”

1) To Do More, Do Less

Your best ideas, greatest moments of insight don’t happen while you are consumed with a huge project at work. They happen in the shower! They happen when your mind is quiet.

If you want to be more creative, more innovative and more productive, you have to ‘work less’ and create more opportunities for insight.

Work a ‘normal’ day, take your breaks (and make time for insights), and head home energized and ready to engage with your family. Get a good night’s sleep and head back in to work refreshed and ready for another day!

2) You Can’t Be Here If You Are There

You have two distinct networks in your brain – the Default Narrative Network – your internal representation of the outside world, of what you have attended to over time, your interpretations or ‘stories’ about what is ‘real’; and the Direct Experience Network – your full ‘presence’ in a particular moment and space.

When you are stuck in what you now know, and what you have done in the past (the Default Narrative Network), you are not ‘present’ (The Direct Experience Network), and you are not able to take in all the rich streams of information that are more reflective of what’s actually going on than of your interpretation of what is going on.

Practice Mindfulness Meditation regularly. With practice, you begin to change your brain.

3) Shrinkage Happens

Your brain is more than an amazing logic processing machine, it’s main main function is to keep you alive. Every moment of the day, your brain is deciding whether or not to avoid danger (Away Mode) or to approach reward (Toward Mode).

The Away Mode gets most of your attention (because, you guessed it, our ancestors spent a lot of their time looking out for tigers). When you are in Away Mode, you are focused on looking for what is wrong (problems). When you are focused on what is wrong, you experience tunnel vision (Shrinkage Happens) – you are actually limited in terms of the amount of information to which you can attend.

While Away is more hard-wired into your brain, the Toward Mode gets the best results. Being positive (toward) brings broad vision and novel solutions.

4) Say It, Don’t Spray It

While we want more positive emotion at work – this does not mean that we want to encourage people to suppress negative emotion. In fact, when negative emotion is suppressed – it grows.

So when negative emotion occurs, we want people to feel free to identify it (Say It). Then they can reappraise/reframe it and choose the best course of action (they are more mindful and less easily ‘hijacked’ by the negative emotion). And then, move on.

‘Spraying’ it – talking on and on about it – is as unhealthy for people as suppressing it – the negative emotion grows and it usually grows ugly.

5) ‘Dope’ Is Good, ‘Cort’ Is Not

Dopamine is the neurotransmitter or desire – it is required in order for you to take any action at all. Positive emotion creates a ‘hit’ of dopamine in the brain. It is fundamental to any action – and certainly to productive, inspired and motivated performance at work.

Cortisol is released when negative emotion is present – it is the stress response, and too much of that will not only impact your performance and relationships, it can also kill you.

6) If I Am Foe, You Are Slow

Your brain chooses whether or not I am friend or foe to you. If you see me as foe , as the enemy , your brain won’t work as well as it would otherwise. You will be so focused on the threat (Away Mode) that you will likely miss important information and ideas that I have, and you will misinterpret me and my behaviour (missing out on potential ways for us to connect and collaborate together).

When people in workplaces see each other as a threat, they are in away/negative/tunnel/disengaged mode – and results suffer.

When we create opportunities for people to connect socially and see each other as friends at work, the outcome is a more positive and productive workplace.

7) Don’t Get Choked By Your SCARF*

Sometimes the very presence of the leader creates a threat (Away) response. Leaders can think about what they are saying and doing in terms of this acronym, developed by David Rock:

S – Status – Is what I am about to say/do something that builds people up, or tears them down? Even a performance evaluation can create a significant threat (Away) response.

C – Certainty – Do people understand what is expected of them? Am I sharing information freely?

A – Autonomy – Once people understand expectations and have what they need to be successful, do I let them go ahead and do it? Do I honour their needs for things like flexible work schedules and flexible hours?

R – Relatedness – Am I an authentic leader? Am I vulnerable? Do my team members see me as a human being – who makes mistakes, and who experiences a variety of emotion?

F – Fairness – Are people treated fairly? Is our organization a socially responsible one that cares about the community and cares about what’s important to our employees?

8) Tell Me You Love Me

When you provide lots of positive recognition – particularly recognizing people’s strengths (and looking for opportunities for them to use them), you get increased dopamine, increased motivation, increased energy and increased results.

9) Eat The Carrot and Burn The Stick

External incentives and reprisals don’t work in the long term – you might get short-term compliance, but not the commitment or engagement you need for sustained high performance.

You are far better to wrap them (your staff) in a nice, warm SCARF (see # 7).

10) Use It Or Lose It

What you attend to, grows. You have different neural networks – one for problem solving, decision making and working memory, and the other for self-awareness, social cognition and empathy. Where you spend most of your time, determines your results. Your brain is changeable (neuroplasticity) – and where you focus your attention will impact your results today and tomorrow.

My wish is that we all practice positive mental health – not just for this week – but for every week of the year! What do you think?

Filed Under: Happiness, Leadership, Mental Health, Positive Psychology Tagged With: Engagement, Happiness, Leadership, Mental Health, neuroscience, positive psychology

Are You Looking Up or Falling Down?

February 13, 2012 By Deri Latimer 4 Comments

I have been speaking with someone who is really feeling ‘down’ right now. And, I have to admit…it’s kind of …well, ‘bringing me down’.

Partly it’s because this person has been ‘down’ for a very long time. And partly it’s because I am having to ‘fight’ to stay ‘up’ – and I don’t like it one bit.

So, I have made a decision to limit my time with this person. It may seem selfish, but I believe it’s what’s best for me – and for this person.

It has got me thinking about how we ‘grow’ that which we focus on (and surround ourselves with). If we only talk about what’s bad (difficult, unpleasant, frustrating, etc.), that’s what we notice. And then we say ‘see, I was right!!’ And guess what (you already know this)…everyone else around us starts to feel the same way we do…and we all fall into the muddy pool of despair together (okay, maybe I am getting a little dramatic!!)

Well, no more. I have never been a person who stayed ‘down’ for very long; and I have to admit, I have now reached my limit!

Do I sometimes feel ‘down’? Absolutely! I just refuse to choose to stay there. Frankly, it’s way too exhausting!

I have been researching the brain for a client project lately. You likely already know that we are actually hard-wired to notice danger (i.e. what’s bad). So, we need to ‘work’ at noticing what’s right. And, when we do…we release all sorts of wonderful neurotransmitters like dopamine that ‘open up’ our perspective and allow us to see more possibilities. Focusing on what’s wrong acutally ‘closes’ our viewpoint, and limits our ability to see options and opportunities right in front of us (we sometimes ‘fall’ right past them).

We can develop a habit of noticing what’s good (right, beautiful, pleasant, joyful, etc.), though. Begin by making it your intention every day to look for what’s right – for what’s good. Have your discussions be mostly about what’s going well. When someone shares good news with you – pass it on! Spend just a little time on the difficulties in your life. Share them, yes. Label them, for sure. Then reappraise or reframe, and carry on. The more you stay focused on the difficulties, the more they ‘grow’ (and the downward spiral continues).

I read a couple of articles recently that struck me and support this message. In ‘Can watching a move about Happiness make us Happier?’ The author, Ryan Niemiec, says ‘The renowned observational learning theorist, Albert Bandura, observed that most of what we learn in life comes from what we observe and that this information is encoded within us for future use. Thus, it makes perfect sense that watching a movie about happiness would help us learn more about happiness and actions we might take to become happy, as we observe the positive role models in a given film.”

And he goes on to say “ The idea is to expand and widen these moments of happiness. Along these lines, science guides us to reminisce about the positive (in this case, the positive aspects of the movie), to savor and relish in the positive state, and to share the positive feelings with others. When you see a movie that leads you to feel happy, what do you do with that positive emotion? Do you mindlessly leave the theater while the credits are rolling looking to be the first person in the parking lot? Do you turn to your mobile device while walking out of the theater, curious about who might have e-mailed or sent you a text message during the film?

Or do you take time to reflect on the work of art you just witnessed? Do you discuss the film with others? Do you examine the strengths and behaviors the characters in the film exhibited and how they might serve as models for you? Do you consider the ways in which the characters impacted you and what subsequent changes you might make?

Taking the time to be mindful of these questions might help you expand your happiness.”

A second article I read was meaningful to me more than one way. Mostly, because I have a daughter about to graduate from high school. And I, like all parents, have spent my life working to prepare her to be a resilient, productive, positive, happy person.

The article in HR Magazine called ‘Graduate Recruitment: You need a good attitude, not a good degree says Ernst & Young’ written by David Young states that “with over 22% of 16-24 year olds out of work, graduates will need to build resilience and get out of their comfort zones if they are going to realise their potential, according to the findings of a survey by Ernst & Young…(the survey) showed that while graduates have many core strengths, they aren’t always willing to take risks and can struggle to recover from setbacks.”

In other words, you have to be able to look up or you’ll fall down. And when your perspective is ‘down’ it really is just like falling…you are taken away, easily, down a vortex of negativity.

Looking up might take a little more work at first, but the ‘up’ view trump the other one – hands down!!

Deri Latimer, B Mgt, CSP, is an expert in possibilities for people! She is one of fewer than 10% of speakers globally who hold the designation of Certified Speaking Professional. Deri combines a Business degree in Human Resources with experience from business sectors including health care, manufacturing, education, agriculture, government, mining, transportation, tourism, and professional services. Deri helps individuals and organizations optimize their performance by managing their energy; applying the latest research and practice in positive psychology, appreciative inquiry, emotional intelligence, neuroleadership, and employee engagement. www.derilatimer.com

Filed Under: Change, Happiness, Leadership, Positive Psychology, Resilience, Strengths, Uncategorized Tagged With: Engagement, Happiness, neuroscience, perception, Personal Power, positive psychology

Poems about Personal Power

February 1, 2012 By Deri Latimer 2 Comments

I’m certainly not one to reflect on poetry very often. In fact, my siblings would laugh out loud if they knew I were including some poems in my blog post. You see, their memories of me are the silly poems I would write to each of them when we were younger. They went something like ‘Dene, Dene, the washing machine; you’re twenty one and another load’s done’ (no, I am not sure of what that means…all I thought is that it had to rhyme to be a poem!). Others were ‘Desi is a beautiful gal; I sure am glad that she’s my pal’, and ‘There once was a boy named Devin; who looked like he came from heaven; a big bright smile; nice teeth like a crocodile; and girlfriends I think he has seven!‘

So, you can see, this is not my forte. Although I do think Miss Bill, my grade 12 English teacher, would be proud!

I have, however, come across some poems in my life that I really love. I’d like to share a few with you.

Here’s the first – it reminds me that I am owed nothing for this wonderful life. It reminds me that when we operate from the stance of expecting nothing in return, and just ‘doing’ because it’s the right thing to do, that’s personal power - that’s personal responsibility – that’s love – and that’s what we need more of in our workplaces, our homes, and our schools today.

The Sun Never Says – by Hafiz

Even
after
all this time
the sun never says to the earth,
“You owe me.”
Look
what happens
with a love like that -
It lights the whole world.

Here is a lovely video of the poem, with images and music.

The next is by Virginia Satir. I became familiar with her and her work when I became a Certified Practitioner in Neuro-Linguistic Programming in the early 1990′s. This is a poem I gave to both my children – and it reflects how I feel about each and every relationship in my life. I want to be connected to you – not owe or own you – and have you feel the same.

I want to love you without clutching

appreciate you without judging

join you without invading

invite you without demanding

leave you without guilt

criticize you without blaming

and help you without insulting

if I can have the same from you, then we can truly meet and enrich each other

I love this quotation by Virginia Satir. It reminds me that I am in charge of ‘me’. A pretty empowering message, I think! And, isn’t it exactly the message I think we want to deliver to our children, to our workplace teams, and to our friends.

I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.

Have you got a favourite poem or quotation that really resonates with you? Share it here and I’ll pass it along.

Filed Under: Engagement, Happiness, Leadership, Positive Psychology, Resilience, Uncategorized Tagged With: Happiness, Personal Power, Poems, positive psychology, resilience

Fear, Love, Acceptance, Peace and Dreams

January 9, 2012 By Deri Latimer Leave a Comment

At this time of year, you might be thinking about your goals for the year, and evaluating how well you did on your goals last year. Both can bring some angst. “What if I fail to meet my goals again this year?” “Look how lousy I did on my goals last year?” “Really, do I have any control over my life at all??” “What’s the point?”

Well, there is a point; and you have more control than you think!

Control simply means that you believe you have some ability to affect the outcome of a particular situation. It does not mean that you completely can guarantee the outcome…it simply means that you believe you can influence or affect the outcome.

It’s sort of like the experience of having, and then raising, children. When I was a new mother, I thought I could control every aspect of my children’s lives; I was sure that my actions would determine the kind of person they ended up being. Well, now I know…that’s not exactly the case.

Do I influence them? Absolutely! Does what I do and say affect their choices along the way? You bet! But I, definitely and unequivocally, do not control them! And, as I have come to realize with maturity, that is a good thing!!

I am sure you have already read, or received from friends and colleauges, all kinds of advice about what to do with this year’s goals. Well, let me add another possibility.

Consider this formula for success in 2012. Engage in these emotional states, and notice what happens!

Fear:

Fear is a normal, frequent human emotion. And, it is likely the one that prevents you from completely living your life. Ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” “What is the gift in the fear?”

If you face the fear, and keep on going, what will happen? Perhaps joy, freedom and peace are just beyond it!

Love:

Replace your disabling emotions with enabling ones. The opposite of fear is love. So, why not learn to love your fear!

Allow yourself to embrace and learn from the fear you face. Greater love is the opportunity.

Acceptance:

Through love you can accept yourself, your choices, and your accomplishments (whatever they may be). You are not perfect, nor are your choices. Your accomplishments may not be as you wish they were. That is okay. Today is a new day. Go after what you want. Set new goals and start walking in the direction of those goals. Take one step at a time.

Peace:

Peace is not about being passive. It is not about ‘settling’. Peace is about continually moving toward a state of balance, flow, and serenity.

Fear keeps you from finding peace; and acceptance allows you to face your fear, and find peace – moment by moment, day by day, year by year.

These emotions might just be the F.L.A.P. (Fear, Love, Acceptance, Peace); the flap that can sometimes hold you back, and the same flap that can be opened to see the pathway to your future…the pathway to your dreams.

Dreams:

What are your dreams for 2012?

What are your dreams for your life?

Are you living your dream, in one way or another?

I was inspired by this video of a family who dreamed of traveling around the world in a vintage car. They are doing it. And, they are finding a way to help themselves be able to do it. They are not focused on the fear, but are focused on the love.

They have discovered resources, strengths, resilience and joy that they would never have discovered had they chosen the ‘safe’ route. It is in pursuing their dream that they have been able to discover so much about themselves, and each other.

WYD: THE ZAPP FAMILY (FULL) from WYD Productions on Vimeo.

This might not be your dream. But, think about it now … what is your dream? What will bring you great joy, energy and connection? What would you do, if you could?

Then ask yourself, am I living my dream? And, if not…when?

Deri Latimer, B Mgt, CSP, is an expert in possibilities for people! She is one of fewer than 10% of speakers globally who hold the designation of Certified Speaking Professional, the speaking profession’s measure of excellence in professional platform skill. Deri combines a Business degree in Human Resources with experience from business sectors including health care, manufacturing, education, agriculture, government, mining, transportation, tourism, and professional services. Deri helps individuals and organizations optimize their performance by managing their energy; applying the latest research and practice in positive psychology, appreciative inquiry, emotional intelligence, and employee engagement. www.derilatimer.com

Filed Under: Change, Engagement, Happiness, Leadership, Positive Psychology, Resilience, Uncategorized Tagged With: Engagement, habits, inspiration, Leadership, positive psychology, resilience

Never Give Up!

November 24, 2011 By Deri Latimer 6 Comments

I just saw this video and was completely moved by it!

Heather Dorniden of the University of Minnesota races the 600m at the Big 10 Indoor Track Championships.

She reminds us what a race really is about.

What life is really about.

We will fall. We can rise.

Never give up!

It’s a simple, yet powerful, reminder for us all.

When I was 16, I left my comfortable home in northern Manitoba to attend the University of Winnipeg Collegiate for Grade 12. My parents were determined to help me transition to ‘university life’ by acquiring a broader perspective at a larger learning institution.

Before I left, some of my ‘friends’ made comments like, ‘you won’t make it’, ‘you’ll be back, just like the rest of us’. At the time, I thought, ‘I’ll show you! I’ll do this and I’ll do well!’

Well, the University of Winnipeg was indeed a larger institution! I’ll never forget my first day of school – it was orientation day.

I walked into Wesley Hall…and froze. In that building – in one room – there were more people than I had ever seen in one place in my entire life! I was from a town with a population of about 1,500…and I found myself standing among 500 of my peers waiting to enter the lecture hall. Well, actually, I did not think of them as my peers. I actually think I heard that Sesame Street song playing in my head ‘one of these things does not belong here, one of these things is not like the others…’. That one thing was me. I did not look like anyone else, and I was pretty sure I did not feel like anyone else. They all seemed so sophisticated and worldly; and I …well…not so much! My hair and clothes were totally ‘uncool’ and I could not make eye contact with a single person. I felt ‘invisible’.

A part of orientation day was an IQ test (yes, they did that in those days). I felt like I was in a different country – I could hardly answer any of the questions! I did the best I could, but I knew I was ‘guessing’ mostly. I felt a confirming thought appear in my mind. ‘See, you can’t do it! You don’t belong here!’

A couple of days later, I was summoned to the Dean’s office. I’ll never forget this experience. The Dean asked me to sit down, and he then proceeded to tell me that I had scored the lowest score he had ever seen on an IQ test. He wanted to check and see if I had understood the test and if I was ‘okay’. I did not know what to say. I sat stone-faced as the Dean talked and I remember that I wanted to run! I wanted to run fast and I wanted to run hard and I wanted to go home. I had indeed ‘fallen’!

The Dean was very kind and reassured me as best he could. I went back to my room in residence at Sparling Hall, called my mom, and bawled histerically for an hour. My mom, in her kind and gentle way, listened …and then encouraged me to give it a day or two, and she said that I would feel better soon.

I remember laying on my bed that night and thinking…’I can’t go home…I can’t let those people be right…I can’t give up…I WILL show them.’

I decided that I needed to work my tail off…and that is exactly what I did. I went to class, I listened intently to my instructors, I did all my homework… I didn’t socialize, I barely ate, I just studied (No, I am not recommending this as the most useful strategy for academic success…it’s just the one I chose at the time.)

When I graduated, I achieved not only my diploma (of which I am still most proud today – even over my Bachelor’s Degree and my CSP Designation) but I achieved it ‘With Distinction’. I remember looking at the list of graduates, and there was my name near the top…I belonged. I ‘rose’.

That’s only one example from my life…of falling and rising. I am grateful for them all. How about you? What are your examples?

Are you a leader who tried a new strategy with your team, and it failed? So what? Think about what you have taught them…that you are open to new innovations, and you know that not all of them will work (but some surely will!!) Isn’t that what you want to inspire in them?

Are you a parent whose child is struggling with a social situation at school, and it’s breaking her heart (and yours)? Have a discussion with her about what can be learned from this situation, about the gifts that adversity (the ‘fall’) brings, and about how she can learn to be her own support system (she’ll need that resilience for the rest of her life).

Are you a friend, who is an ‘ear’ for someone dealing with depression? Remind yourself and your friend, that falls happen and so do rises. In fact, the rise is far sweeter after picking yourself up from the fall!

If this video inspires you as it did me, I’d love to hear your story about a time you experience a fall and rise.

Filed Under: Engagement, Happiness, Leadership, Positive Psychology, Resilience, Strengths, Uncategorized Tagged With: habits, inspiration, Leadership, positive psychology, resilience